Knee-jerk review: "Watchmen"

1. Yes, we saw it at the 12:15am show. No, we won't do that again. Four hours of sleep on a school night? We're not 20 anymore.
2. "I'm not locked in here with you... you're locked in here with me!"
3. They basically recreated the comic book, shot for shot, scene for scene. So what was the point? Why bother?
4. Some cool stuff, but also rather tedious. This was an adaptation that could have used some, like, adapting. You get a sense that the filmmakers were too shackled to the source material, too afraid to alienate the fans by deviating from the text in any way.
5. We remain big fans of director Zach Snyder, though. 300 was awesome and his remake of Dawn of the Dean is way underrated.
6. Jackie Earle Haley completely steals the movie as Rorschach. Intense performance.
7. If you haven't read the comic books (er, excuse us, the "graphic novel"), it's hard to say how you'll respond. It's very dense and very convoluted. We're not ever sure we fully understand it all.
8. Wait until you see the circular saw scene. You'll know it when you see it.
9. The Owlship is pretty cool. And the use of its flamethrower gives the film two of its biggest laughs.
10. It's not the most feminist movie ever made. The women characters (well, there's really just one) are all completely defined by their relationships to the male characters.
11. Matthew Goode as Ozymandias sounds like he's channelling Criss Angel's flat, sing-song, lispy monotone.
12. Who doesn't love Nena's "99 Luft Balloons"?
13. As one Cheese Fry colleague noted, the graphic novel feels more alive and cinematic than the actual movie.
14. And no, there's really not even that much cool action, slow-motion, double-time, or otherwise.
15. The look of the movie is very cool, of course.
16. It's arguable that the credit sequence is the best part of the whole thing.
17. One thing is certain: there has never been a character quite like Dr. Manhattan. One of a kind.
18. In the end, our reaction is a sort of reluctant, disappointed "ehh."