Why We Hate This Cinemark Spot

The Cheese Fry's local movie theater is a Cinemark.  It's ten minutes away, so we go to the same one every time.  (We prefer row C, the last row in the front section so there's no chance a noisy talker sits behind us.)

Cinemark's trailer packet before the movie always, always features this ridiculous spot pushing the theater's concessions app.  We hate it.  It's not just because we have to sit through those 30 seconds of hell every time we see a Cinemark movie, although that can't help.  We hated this spot the very first time we saw it.  Let us explain why.

* Why is this idiot going to get snacks towards what seems to be the movie's big ending?  We can understand an unexpected bathroom break, but this guy walks in with a huge tub of popcorn like he just arrived at the theater.  Note also that he enters with that obnoxious empty-cup straw noise.  So he's somehow slurped down the entire drink on his way from the soda fountain to the theater?  Don't insult our intelligence by trying to make a point with a completely unrealistic scenario.

* Look at these people's absurd reactions - in slow motion no less, an accompanied by some kind of aria to further heighten the psuedo-drama of it all - to whatever they're seeing.  Wide eyes.  Slack jaws.  Bouncing and pointing.  Hands over mouths.  Laughter.  Also tears.  The dude who throws up his arms signaling a touchdown.  What a douche.  Can you imagine him sitting next to you?  We don't think audiences from the 1910s who saw a movie for the very time in their entire lives had these sorts of over the top, bug-eyed, cartoon responses.  

This got us to thinking if there was ever a twist or an ending to a movie we saw in theaters that might come close to inspiring this sort of wild reaction from us.  Spoilers below.  Off the top of our heads...

1. The penis reveal in The Crying Game

2. The hair gel gag in There's Something About Mary
3. DiCaprio's shocking murder in The Departed
4. The big ghost twist at the end of The Sixth Sense
Huge, unexpected moments, but none of these inspired us to throw our popcorn bucket in the air.

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Knee-jerk review: "Barbie"

1. In portraying the world where Barbies all live, the film displays a wildly whimsical, surreal streak that's pretty striking.  It's like nothing really that we've ever seen.  The cinematography and production sign are beautiful, somehow conveying "plastic toy" at every turn.  It's a technical master class.
2. The storyline got a little messy towards the end as the Barbies and Kens try to find a way to live in harmony.
3. But there is no denying that Barbie delivers sharp - at times vicious - satire on gender roles and gender inequity.
4. It's the kind of meticulously layered, smart, purposeful movie that reminds us film can be art.  Nothing on screen feels haphazard or throwaway.
5. Plenty of what seem to be Barbie toy inside jokes went way over our head.  It's pretty impressive that Mattel was okay with making fun of some of the doll's embarrassing misfires over the years.  Usually corporations are fairly humorless about themselves.
6. Margot Robbie, as always, is fantastic.  What other A-list actress could credibly play Barbie? As they say, casting is often half the battle.
7. That said, it's Ryan Gosling's Ken that has more of a complicated, dynamic role to play and he eats it up.
8. It makes narrative sense to go to Mattel headquarters, sure, but beyond that the movie didn't really know what to do with Will Farrell and the Mattel board of directors.
9. We would have preferred spending more time in the real world.  Seeing Barbie and Ken walking the streets of Santa Monica and Venice is pretty hilarious.
10. Disappointing that the mother-daughter relationship felt so undercooked.
11. The movie's last line is a home run.  Fantastic.
12. We don't understand the visceral reaction from some critics who've called the movie anti-men.  The movie sort of goes out of its way to suggest that both genders are just as willing to oppress the other if given the chance.  A society that makes men subservient is just as wrong as one that makes women subservient.  It take selfless work to level the playing field.
13. In other words, yes, it's a pro-feminist movie, but so what?
14. And if you think "patriarchal" is some phony, make-believe, liberal arts concept, you're not seeing our world as it is.
15. America Ferrara delivers a passionate monologue towards the end that felt a little preachy to us, but it resonated with Ms. Fry so clearly the movie is onto something.
16. A movie that feels fresh and clever and important at a time when so many summer movies feel like pointless, underwhelming retreads.

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