1. Thanks, Paramount, for releasing it on our birthday. Much appreciated.
2. In hindsight, we probably liked 2009's Star Trek reboot more out of nostalgia and an excitement that the franchise was finally getting another shot than out of a genuine affection for the movie. Frankly, it was kind of a mess what with all of that time-travel nonsense and one extremely lame villain. (We're a little forgiving only because it was an origin story and had to spend so much time getting everyone into place on the Enterprise.)
3. But this one delivers the goods. Lots of action, some clever twists and turns, funny moments.
4. Dr. McCoy probably gets the short end of the stick here. There's more to him than the crowd-pleasing wisecracks. It even gets on Kirk's nerves.
5. Spoiler alert: never trust Peter Weller. That is all.
6. Sure does seem like a lot of wasted space in that ship. Look at the huge, roomy compartments and hallways.
7. Welcome to the rebooted universe, Klingons.
8. We obviously liked the many Wrath of Khan homages. Fun, but not distracting. The filmmakers spin the old mythology (and that 1982 movie's signature bits) in new and interesting ways.
9. We never have been a Zachary Quinto fan. He seems a little smug and lazy to us somehow. But it's hard not to like his Spock here, dealing with an angry girlfriend, fist-fighting a bad guy, engineering a classic Kirkian double-cross.
10. It seems like the strategy to restart a warp core is the 23rd century equivalent of us banging our faulty remote control on the tabletop. Seriously?
11. Speaking of which, warp cores seem pretty unreliable, don't you think? They're always failing or almost failing.
12. Bruce Greenwood never fails to utterly mesmerize us. Killer actor.
13. Hollywood, enough with the let's-destroy-an-entire-city-and-call-it-entertainment plot point. Your villain doesn't have to kill thousands of innocent people for us to root against him.
14. We're guessing more captains break the Prime Directive than actually follow it.
15. Not sure if it's the writing or the performance, but Zoe Saldana's Uhura is one of the movie's strongest elements.
16. We're growing weary of the villain who anticipates the heroes' next three or four moves (and, in fact, seems to form strategy based on those next three or four moves) in a way that seems completely impossible. These chains of cause and effect simply seem too shaky and unpredictable.
17. For a second there we thought they were going to go the ship-self-destruct route. Please don't. In fact, we forbid the filmmakers from ever considering that turn for any future sequel ever.
18. After all of the coy denials and fake secrecy about bad guy John Harrison, we were genuinely shocked by his real identity during the movie, then realized just now that the truth about his character has been sitting there on the IMDB cast list for who knows how long.
19. Some have complained that this feels more like a plot-heavy, action-first Star Wars movie than a character-heavy, drama-first Star Trek movie. Maybe so (though we would point to 1991's The Undiscovered Country and 1996's First Contact, both non-stop thrillers with a similar vibe as Into Darkness). But that probably bodes well for the next Star Wars sequel, which J.J. Abrams is directing.
20. Cable cars are still running in San Francisco several hundred years from now?
21. So the next sequel takes us onto the famous five-year mission. Very exciting.
21. Definitely worth a look, people.
5.18.2013
Six remarks from a four-year-old concerning an old episode of "Star Trek"
1. "Hey, daddy, those look like your little people!" Meaning our action figures. Don't pretend that you don't wish you had some of your own.
2. "Is that a good robot or a bad robot?" He's bad.
3. "Daddy, what's wrong with his... (gesturing to her eyebrows)? Why do they do that?" He's an alien named Spock.
4. "What happened to the red men? Where'd they go?" They were vaporized, as must eventually happen to all Starfleet security members in red shirts.
5. "So the alien is good and the robot is bad?" Correct.
6. "That robot hurt the boy [Scotty] and the girl [Uhura], right?" Right.
2. "Is that a good robot or a bad robot?" He's bad.
3. "Daddy, what's wrong with his... (gesturing to her eyebrows)? Why do they do that?" He's an alien named Spock.
4. "What happened to the red men? Where'd they go?" They were vaporized, as must eventually happen to all Starfleet security members in red shirts.
5. "So the alien is good and the robot is bad?" Correct.
6. "That robot hurt the boy [Scotty] and the girl [Uhura], right?" Right.
5.01.2013
Knee-jerk review: HBO's "Game of Thrones" (season one)
1. We can nitpick most shows and find flaws with the plotting or the pacing or the character development or something. But it's sure hard to find any fault here. It may not be our favorite show, but it surely ranks among the most well-made shows we've ever seen. A peerless production from top to bottom.
2. We don't do pay-cable, but a friend insisted we watch the first season on DVD. He called it "The Godfather with swords." A clever description, but The Godfather and it's story of the Five Families was never this dense and complicated and layered.
3. At first we didn't think we'd like it. This is a dank, seedy world where good is not rewarded. But then it started to grow on us. And we realized you can take comfort in what little moment of cathartic comeuppance the show does choose to allow. Like the "golden crown." If you've seen it, you know what we're talking about. A completely deserved punishment.
4. Peter Dinklage knows what a great role Tyrion is and pretty much knocks it out of the park every time. No wonder he won an Emmy.
5. It's shows like this that seem to keep European actors employed.
6. Female nudity is nothing new for an HBO original show, of course. But there's quite a few shots here of the very rare full frontal male, plus a couple of rather extended, graphic, and noisy sex scenes. If this show were released in theaters, in other words, it would probably be too hard for an R.
7. We knew going in what was going to happen to Ned Stark. Even so, it was still pretty devastating. Remember: he didn't even want to go to King's Landing.
8. "Winter is coming."
9. King Joffrey. What a evil little snot. We found ourselves often imagining gruesome ways to kill him off. Even his horrible mother at times seems disgusted by him.
10. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau definitely has a sort of Han Solo swagger to him. As villainous as he is, we find it hard not to like him, to try and find a reason to like him.
11. The casting of Sean Bean makes explicit certain genre parallels to the Lord of the Rings books and movies. But the Tolkein stories feel mythic, removed from reality. Those are fairy tales about a magical land. The "Game of Thrones" stories, however, even with dragons and magic, feel much more urgent, more much connected to contemporary problems of politics and power and family.
12. We read a rather insightful appraisal about the "heroes" of the story, especially given the unexpected way Ned's character is handled. While at first glance it would seem to be Ned's story - he's the one character truly working hard to be honest and honorable and just - the story is really about Ned's children. All of the children, really. How will this new generation handle the bloody conflicts their parents created?
13. That is one bad-ass throne. No doubt about it.
14. With death lurking around every corner, it's pretty safe to say that if you're still alive at the age of 30 or so, you're a pretty dangerous character with a finely-honed sense of survival.
15. Those swords look really heavy. What kind of upper body strength do you need to swing those things? This is the sort of thing we think about when we're watching the show.
16. Does this mean we have to start reading the novels? They seem really, really long.
17. The most compelling character arcs for us would have to be two female characters. There's Daenerys, the victim who evolves into a confident queen figure. And there's poor Sansa who comes of age quickly and learns the folly of making husband-hunting one's only priority.
18. Indeed, while the show does have a sexist vibe to it what with all of the nudity and sexual assaults and prostitution, one could argue there's a point to it all. In that world, women were either mothers or whores. Trying to push outside those labels, as so many of the female characters are doing, isn't easy.
19. "Targaryen" is fun to say. Mark Addy probably does it best.
20. What pops for us is all of the back-room politicking and scheming. This part of the show seems so very universal. What will people do to grab power and then keep it?
21. Who wouldn't want a direwolf available to run in from the shadows and bite the fingers off an enemy?
22. The only time you can sense the show's limited budget is when you start to realize all of the big battle scenes are happening off-screen somewhere else.
23. We have our money on the scary, hulking, scarred Hound having a heart of gold.
24. The season's biggest twists emerge from a variation of some tawdry supermarket tabloid expose about adultery and paternity tests. It's those Maury Povich-like efforts to uncover who the king fathered or didn't father that spin the country into civil war. It doesn't get any more contemporary than that.
25. "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."
26. So yeah, we're going to watch season 2. It's a pretty amazing show.
27. If you're curious how they did that genius main title sequence, here's how.
2. We don't do pay-cable, but a friend insisted we watch the first season on DVD. He called it "The Godfather with swords." A clever description, but The Godfather and it's story of the Five Families was never this dense and complicated and layered.
3. At first we didn't think we'd like it. This is a dank, seedy world where good is not rewarded. But then it started to grow on us. And we realized you can take comfort in what little moment of cathartic comeuppance the show does choose to allow. Like the "golden crown." If you've seen it, you know what we're talking about. A completely deserved punishment.
4. Peter Dinklage knows what a great role Tyrion is and pretty much knocks it out of the park every time. No wonder he won an Emmy.
5. It's shows like this that seem to keep European actors employed.
6. Female nudity is nothing new for an HBO original show, of course. But there's quite a few shots here of the very rare full frontal male, plus a couple of rather extended, graphic, and noisy sex scenes. If this show were released in theaters, in other words, it would probably be too hard for an R.
7. We knew going in what was going to happen to Ned Stark. Even so, it was still pretty devastating. Remember: he didn't even want to go to King's Landing.
8. "Winter is coming."
9. King Joffrey. What a evil little snot. We found ourselves often imagining gruesome ways to kill him off. Even his horrible mother at times seems disgusted by him.
10. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau definitely has a sort of Han Solo swagger to him. As villainous as he is, we find it hard not to like him, to try and find a reason to like him.
11. The casting of Sean Bean makes explicit certain genre parallels to the Lord of the Rings books and movies. But the Tolkein stories feel mythic, removed from reality. Those are fairy tales about a magical land. The "Game of Thrones" stories, however, even with dragons and magic, feel much more urgent, more much connected to contemporary problems of politics and power and family.
12. We read a rather insightful appraisal about the "heroes" of the story, especially given the unexpected way Ned's character is handled. While at first glance it would seem to be Ned's story - he's the one character truly working hard to be honest and honorable and just - the story is really about Ned's children. All of the children, really. How will this new generation handle the bloody conflicts their parents created?
13. That is one bad-ass throne. No doubt about it.
14. With death lurking around every corner, it's pretty safe to say that if you're still alive at the age of 30 or so, you're a pretty dangerous character with a finely-honed sense of survival.
15. Those swords look really heavy. What kind of upper body strength do you need to swing those things? This is the sort of thing we think about when we're watching the show.
16. Does this mean we have to start reading the novels? They seem really, really long.
17. The most compelling character arcs for us would have to be two female characters. There's Daenerys, the victim who evolves into a confident queen figure. And there's poor Sansa who comes of age quickly and learns the folly of making husband-hunting one's only priority.
18. Indeed, while the show does have a sexist vibe to it what with all of the nudity and sexual assaults and prostitution, one could argue there's a point to it all. In that world, women were either mothers or whores. Trying to push outside those labels, as so many of the female characters are doing, isn't easy.
19. "Targaryen" is fun to say. Mark Addy probably does it best.
20. What pops for us is all of the back-room politicking and scheming. This part of the show seems so very universal. What will people do to grab power and then keep it?
21. Who wouldn't want a direwolf available to run in from the shadows and bite the fingers off an enemy?
22. The only time you can sense the show's limited budget is when you start to realize all of the big battle scenes are happening off-screen somewhere else.
23. We have our money on the scary, hulking, scarred Hound having a heart of gold.
24. The season's biggest twists emerge from a variation of some tawdry supermarket tabloid expose about adultery and paternity tests. It's those Maury Povich-like efforts to uncover who the king fathered or didn't father that spin the country into civil war. It doesn't get any more contemporary than that.
25. "When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground."
26. So yeah, we're going to watch season 2. It's a pretty amazing show.
27. If you're curious how they did that genius main title sequence, here's how.
4.25.2013
Call it the Wooderson Effect
Vulture.com posted a fascinating series of charts analyzing the ages of Hollywood's leading men and their female costars. The men get older and older, their co-stars stay the same age. Matthew McConaughey's character in Dazed and Confused would approve. Nothing like good old fashioned, institutionalized American sexism: older men are distinguished, older women need to stay indoors.
4.23.2013
Lego genius
This is the sort of pop culture obsession we can get behind. If it were us, of course, we'd probably create a Lego Starship Enterprise.
3.29.2013
Knee-jerk review: "Olympus Has Fallen"
1. Our first movie in theaters in months... and we pick this one?
2. Preposterous, pretty much from top to bottom.
3. We enjoy a good cheesy B-movie as much as the next guy. But don't insult our intelligence. At least try, filmmakers, to sell it. This movie asks the audience to buy several moments that are 100% implausible, illogical, and ridiculous. They sink the whole thing.
4. The sexism is also pretty uncomfortable. One female lead is stuck pining for the hero, another gets the hell beaten out of her, and the other exists solely to vet the hero.
5. What's with all of the gunshots and knives to heads? Ick. The older we get, the less we enjoy this kind of brutal violence.
6. To glibly say, "It's Die Hard in the White House" doesn't clearly underscore how often this movie hits Die Hard's narrative beats. It's more ripoff than homage. There's even the hero-meets-the-bad-guy-and-doesn't-know-it moment.
7. There's surely some political/cultural point to be made about how this movie renders the American military so hopelessly inept and impotent. Is that how some of us feel deep down after the morass of Iraq and Afghanistan? Is that somehow in the zeitgeist?
8. Cerbeus. Really? No way to change the codes on something so powerful, huh? If you say so, Olympus Has Fallen.
9. No way does a four-star admiral cooperate like that. No way.
10. We have a feeling this movie was made sort of cheap, so we were looking for the effects shots and corner-cutting, trying to figure out how they faked DC and White House in Ontario or North Carolina. It all looks pretty good, though.
11. So the bad guy's entire plan hinges on a decision by the President that simply couldn't be 100% predicted. That is, if the President makes choice B instead A, the movie's over at the end of act one. Like we said, don't insult our intelligence.
12. If you're a smart computer hacker, you too apparently can sit at a classified, complicated multi-screen workstation and nimbly control all aspects of the White House. Monitor video feeds, seal off air vents, connect to the Pentagon. It's easier than Windows 8!
13. We especially loved the moment where the bad guys somehow hit a couple of keys and pull up satellite images of aircraft carriers in the Pacific open.
14. Los Angeles aside: we met a drunk Robert Forster at a party once. Nice guy.
15. We begrudgingly admit that Gerard Butler has some good lines. But one quip left a bad taste in our mouth, given as it was amid a pile of dead Secret Service agents.
16. We kept trying to imagine Obama, Biden, and Hillary Clinton in a similar hostage situation. What would they do with a gun to their head? Would they cooperate or take a bullet for the country's greater good? Can they take a beating? Biden probably could.
17. We can't recall another recent movie with this high a body count. Wow.
18. We're going to give Rick Yune the benefit of the doubt and say that we hated his dead-eyed bad-guy performance only because we hated the movie. But man is he a boring one-note villain. Zzzzz.
19. Several times, a TV news graphic in the movie spelled it "Whitehouse." One word. This is that kind of movie.
20. Hollywood needs to learn that the F-bomb packs its best punch when used sparingly and when saved for maximum moments of drama and tension.
21. Okay okay, yeah, there were some cool moments. We did like some of the twists involving the bad guy's ultimate goal.
22. Overall, there's a smart, complex thriller to be made about how bad guys overrun the White House. This one, unfortunately, isn't it. Maybe this summer's White House Down will be it. Yep. Same premise. It's Deep Impact/Armageddon all over again. Or is it Volcano/Dante's Peak?
2. Preposterous, pretty much from top to bottom.
3. We enjoy a good cheesy B-movie as much as the next guy. But don't insult our intelligence. At least try, filmmakers, to sell it. This movie asks the audience to buy several moments that are 100% implausible, illogical, and ridiculous. They sink the whole thing.
4. The sexism is also pretty uncomfortable. One female lead is stuck pining for the hero, another gets the hell beaten out of her, and the other exists solely to vet the hero.
5. What's with all of the gunshots and knives to heads? Ick. The older we get, the less we enjoy this kind of brutal violence.
6. To glibly say, "It's Die Hard in the White House" doesn't clearly underscore how often this movie hits Die Hard's narrative beats. It's more ripoff than homage. There's even the hero-meets-the-bad-guy-and-doesn't-know-it moment.
7. There's surely some political/cultural point to be made about how this movie renders the American military so hopelessly inept and impotent. Is that how some of us feel deep down after the morass of Iraq and Afghanistan? Is that somehow in the zeitgeist?
8. Cerbeus. Really? No way to change the codes on something so powerful, huh? If you say so, Olympus Has Fallen.
9. No way does a four-star admiral cooperate like that. No way.
10. We have a feeling this movie was made sort of cheap, so we were looking for the effects shots and corner-cutting, trying to figure out how they faked DC and White House in Ontario or North Carolina. It all looks pretty good, though.
11. So the bad guy's entire plan hinges on a decision by the President that simply couldn't be 100% predicted. That is, if the President makes choice B instead A, the movie's over at the end of act one. Like we said, don't insult our intelligence.
12. If you're a smart computer hacker, you too apparently can sit at a classified, complicated multi-screen workstation and nimbly control all aspects of the White House. Monitor video feeds, seal off air vents, connect to the Pentagon. It's easier than Windows 8!
13. We especially loved the moment where the bad guys somehow hit a couple of keys and pull up satellite images of aircraft carriers in the Pacific open.
14. Los Angeles aside: we met a drunk Robert Forster at a party once. Nice guy.
15. We begrudgingly admit that Gerard Butler has some good lines. But one quip left a bad taste in our mouth, given as it was amid a pile of dead Secret Service agents.
16. We kept trying to imagine Obama, Biden, and Hillary Clinton in a similar hostage situation. What would they do with a gun to their head? Would they cooperate or take a bullet for the country's greater good? Can they take a beating? Biden probably could.
17. We can't recall another recent movie with this high a body count. Wow.
18. We're going to give Rick Yune the benefit of the doubt and say that we hated his dead-eyed bad-guy performance only because we hated the movie. But man is he a boring one-note villain. Zzzzz.
19. Several times, a TV news graphic in the movie spelled it "Whitehouse." One word. This is that kind of movie.
20. Hollywood needs to learn that the F-bomb packs its best punch when used sparingly and when saved for maximum moments of drama and tension.
21. Okay okay, yeah, there were some cool moments. We did like some of the twists involving the bad guy's ultimate goal.
22. Overall, there's a smart, complex thriller to be made about how bad guys overrun the White House. This one, unfortunately, isn't it. Maybe this summer's White House Down will be it. Yep. Same premise. It's Deep Impact/Armageddon all over again. Or is it Volcano/Dante's Peak?
3.11.2013
Attacking Echo Base
We've previously shared with you a crazy, in-depth look at the so-called "Endor Holocaust," an examination of the deadly consequences to inhabitants of Endor if a Death Star-sized moon exploded in its orbit as depicted in the final moments of Return of the Jedi. Let's just say the Ewoks won't be celebrating for long.
And now comes a fascinating, detailed military examination of the Hoth battle from The Empire Strikes Back that looks at the poor combat strategy employed by Darth Vader and the Empire. Genius.
And now comes a fascinating, detailed military examination of the Hoth battle from The Empire Strikes Back that looks at the poor combat strategy employed by Darth Vader and the Empire. Genius.
2.26.2013
Knee-jerk review: "The 85th Annual Academy Awards"
1. We admire Seth
McFarlane. He's a self-made man, an artist who toiled in obscurity animating lame Hanna Barbera cartoons while quietly crafting the idea that would became the juggernaut "Family Guy." His success was not handed to him. We like that. Yeah yeah, "Family Guy" never explored high-minded social satire like "The Simpsons," but it certainly can still be funny, cramming in more jokes-per-minute than just about anything we've ever seen. The fact that so many of the gags are directed right at the pop culture nostalgia of Generation X makes it all the more appealing in that inside baseball sort of way. If you get it, you're in the club.
2. We have mixed feelings about "We Saw Your Boobs." Hmmm. The juvenile side of us finds it quite hilarious, especially given the many hours we logged long ago (not now, of course, don't be silly) looking for naked scenes in movies. But there's also a side of us that's a little offended, a side that doesn't like how the song reduces talented actresses' accomplishments to some fleeting nude scene in a way that simply can't be done in a similarly insulting way for male actors. Then again, one could argue that this is the hallmark of a great gag: you laugh and cringe at the same time. Extra credit for the convoluted time-travel set-up, by the way, which allowed Seth to do the bit while also openly acknowledging how inappropriate it is. Extra credit also for stating what we all know to be true: Kate Winslet invariably takes off her clothes in every movie.
2. We have mixed feelings about "We Saw Your Boobs." Hmmm. The juvenile side of us finds it quite hilarious, especially given the many hours we logged long ago (not now, of course, don't be silly) looking for naked scenes in movies. But there's also a side of us that's a little offended, a side that doesn't like how the song reduces talented actresses' accomplishments to some fleeting nude scene in a way that simply can't be done in a similarly insulting way for male actors. Then again, one could argue that this is the hallmark of a great gag: you laugh and cringe at the same time. Extra credit for the convoluted time-travel set-up, by the way, which allowed Seth to do the bit while also openly acknowledging how inappropriate it is. Extra credit also for stating what we all know to be true: Kate Winslet invariably takes off her clothes in every movie.
3. The Captain Kirk thing went on too long. We're in agreement on that, right?
4. That's surely the first Smokey and the Bandit reference on network TV in since the 1990s. "We're gonna do what they say cain't be done." Aside: there is no obvious evidence of medical intervention on Sally Field's face.
5. A shocking win for Christoph Waltz and Django Unchained. Wow. Is it just us or is Waltz essentially playing the same character that won him the Oscar for Inglourious Basterds? They sound... exactly... the same. It's the same guy, people. Guess you have to give the Academy credit for consistency. They really really like whatever it is Waltz has been doing. Maybe he should keep doing it.
5. A shocking win for Christoph Waltz and Django Unchained. Wow. Is it just us or is Waltz essentially playing the same character that won him the Oscar for Inglourious Basterds? They sound... exactly... the same. It's the same guy, people. Guess you have to give the Academy credit for consistency. They really really like whatever it is Waltz has been doing. Maybe he should keep doing it.
6. Any acceptance speech that isn't just a list of names is a good one in our book. We often wonder if the Oscars should somehow come with closed-captions so viewers at home can keep track of the agents, producers, publicists, and attorneys getting name-checked at the podium.
7. If there is any equal of our beloved filmmaker Steven Soderbergh, it's probably Ang Lee. Both of them refuse to be pigeonholed in a single style, choosing instead to travel in a variety of genres. Westerns, sci-fi, superheroes, thrillers, heists, fantasy, period drama. They don't always succeed, but their efforts are always intriguing. We could use more directors like this.
8. For these overviews of the Best Picture nominees, why can't they show a single powerhouse scene to really take us into the movie? Why do we instead get these trailer-like montages?
9. Maybe Joss Whedon should have written the banter for The Avengers actors. Awkward and unfunny.
10. We felt bad that the visual effects guy was cut off by the Jaws theme, especially since he was trying to talk about the fragile, hopelessly dysfunctional state of the visual effects industry. But these people were surely all told a million times how much time they had and what would happen if they ran over. If he wanted to preach about visual effects finances, he should have started sooner. What if everyone were indulged and allowed to talk as long as they wanted? Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria.
11. How embarrassing would it be if the winner for Best Costume Design showed up wearing something really ugly? Would the Oscar win offset any perception of fashion incompetence? Could they still get hired? These are the things we think about.
9. Maybe Joss Whedon should have written the banter for The Avengers actors. Awkward and unfunny.
10. We felt bad that the visual effects guy was cut off by the Jaws theme, especially since he was trying to talk about the fragile, hopelessly dysfunctional state of the visual effects industry. But these people were surely all told a million times how much time they had and what would happen if they ran over. If he wanted to preach about visual effects finances, he should have started sooner. What if everyone were indulged and allowed to talk as long as they wanted? Dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria.
11. How embarrassing would it be if the winner for Best Costume Design showed up wearing something really ugly? Would the Oscar win offset any perception of fashion incompetence? Could they still get hired? These are the things we think about.
12. Very exciting! Fifty years of James Bond... but then all we get is a long montage clip. At the very least, shouldn't the six Bond actors stroll out on stage in matching tuxedos to thunderous applause? Then we learned from Deadline's Nikki Finke that Connery hates the Broccoli family. How petty.
13. It feels wrong to hear Halle Berry say "Pussy Galore."
14. Shirley Bassey is still alive? Huh.
15. If you can't get the Bond actors, then the next best thing would have been to coax to the stage McCartney for "Live and Let Die" (best Bond song ever) and Carly Simon for "Nobody Does It Better" to hit the trifecta.
13. It feels wrong to hear Halle Berry say "Pussy Galore."
14. Shirley Bassey is still alive? Huh.
15. If you can't get the Bond actors, then the next best thing would have been to coax to the stage McCartney for "Live and Let Die" (best Bond song ever) and Carly Simon for "Nobody Does It Better" to hit the trifecta.
16. At this point, stand-up comedy and sitcoms are just an amusing footnote to Jamie Foxx's career, aren't they?
17. The orchestra is up the street and around the corner in the Capitol Building. Why?
18. An homage to classic movie musicals... of the last ten years only... and one of which is up for Best Picture this year. We liked the Les Miserables showstopper, but in general, this felt like a waste of 15 minutes. It was pointed out to us later that the people who are producing the Oscars - producers Neil Meron and Craig Zadan - are Broadway guys who helped make Chicago. Now it's starting to make sense, isn't it?
19. This goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway. It is absolutely ridiculous what filmmakers can do with computer technology (even as they run effects companies into the ground - see #10 above). It's easy to spot big tentpole effects of dinosaurs and aliens and nuclear holocausts, sure. But the majority of the effects work that you see in movies is completely seamless and rendered so realistically and vividly that you'd never guess it was an effect at all.
19. This goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway. It is absolutely ridiculous what filmmakers can do with computer technology (even as they run effects companies into the ground - see #10 above). It's easy to spot big tentpole effects of dinosaurs and aliens and nuclear holocausts, sure. But the majority of the effects work that you see in movies is completely seamless and rendered so realistically and vividly that you'd never guess it was an effect at all.
20. We laughed out loud at the Von Trapp "They're gone!" gag. Sorry.
21. As is often the case, Best Supporting Actress goes to the ingenue. Oscar loves anointing cute young women. Here, we get Anne Hathaway doing her "oh my gosh I'm so excited" routine yet again. The realest thing about her acceptance speech is the weirdly craven moment she whispered "It came true" to her new Oscar. We suppose we should all be happy for her, finally achieving her goal. Doesn't she know you're supposed to pretend to be above it all and not want it that badly? She really is like the annoying perky, hammy, isn't-it-swell? theater arts student. That said, we can't fault her for her talent. She has the goods. Hathaway was easily the best thing in The Dark Knight Returns and The Devil Wears Prada is way underrated.
22. Sit down,Harvey Weinstein, you're in the shot!
23. Okay
okay, Adele's song "Skyfall" is definitely growing on us.
24. If Kristen Stewart doesn't want to be there on stage giving out an award, why is
she there?
25. Stuntman (and member of the weird 1970s Burt Reynolds royal court) Hal Needham gets an honorary Oscar. Big cable staple growing up: Needham's film Hooper. No CGI back then. You're really driving cars under collapsing brick smokestacks.
26. And now... "In Memoriam." Or, that part of the show where you say "I didn't know he/she died!"
27. Here we go again with more Chicago love. Good grief. It was a great movie, yes. But it was ten years ago and the show's now devoted two segments to reminding us about it. Memo to Oscar producers: no one cares. How about some random celebrations of Shakespeare in Love or Forrest Gump or while you're at it? We saw a tweet that said the producers are making the Oscars into the Tonys so they can get a job producing the Emmys. Zing!
28. Why is ABC making Seth do his own "coming up next" bumpers? Could they not hire an announcer?
29. Quentin Tarantino is a polarizing figure, but count us among his fans. That said, this is an unexpected win for him. Inglourious Basterds was more deserving. Does this mean Hollywood likes him? It's his second Oscar for writing, so this certainly seems like validation.
30. Jennifer Lawrence falls on the way up the steps, a humiliating moment that instantly mutes any Hathaway-ian criticism. To us, Lawrence is like Sandra Bullock with more talent and gravitas, the cute-but-gawky girl next door who finds Hollywood politics rather amusing and any talk of her a sex symbol to be utterly ridiculous.
32. Daniel Day Lewis wins for Lincoln. You could have written it down back when Spielberg cast him two years ago. That's about as stone cold a lock as Oscars give these days.
33. We
like the First Lady, but please get out of our Oscarcast, Michelle Obama. We're trying to
go to bed. Enough of these gimmicky shenanigans. Open the envelope and let's call it a night.
34. The more we think about it, the sillier it seems to have this many Best Picture nominees. Five was a nice round number. You get two critics' choice front runners, a populist box office hit, an arty indie, and a dark horse. It made sense. Now it's just this weird free for all. Five one year, ten the next. Stop the madness.
35. Argo deserved it.
Here's what we said about the 83rd Annual Academy Awards. You know, the year The King's Speech won. And the 81st Annual Academy Awards. The year that Slumdog Millionaire won.
34. The more we think about it, the sillier it seems to have this many Best Picture nominees. Five was a nice round number. You get two critics' choice front runners, a populist box office hit, an arty indie, and a dark horse. It made sense. Now it's just this weird free for all. Five one year, ten the next. Stop the madness.
35. Argo deserved it.
Here's what we said about the 83rd Annual Academy Awards. You know, the year The King's Speech won. And the 81st Annual Academy Awards. The year that Slumdog Millionaire won.
2.25.2013
Knee-jerk review: ABC's "Oscars Red Carpet Live"
1. The Cheese Fry once lived around the corner from the theater formerly known as the Kodak. Oscar week was always a nuisance of street closures and bright lights. We walked down there a few times mid-week to see the bleachers going up and the red carpet laid out (always covered with plastic until the last second) or the giant wooden Oscar sentries rolled into place. And then the day of the event, the sky would be filled with noisy helicopters, the streets with stretch limos. Cool, huh? Maybe it wasn't such a nuisance after all.
2. We want to like Kristin Chenoweth. We do. But we can't. She seems to be trying... oh... so... hard. Her neck cords are always popping and straining. And why is she the one doing the red carpet interviews? Was Terri Hatcher and Kelly Ripa busy? Then again, at least Kristin has been in movies. Kelly Rowland is even more of a mystery hire.
3. Nice shot of the long red-carpeted staircase leading up to the theater lobby. You'd never guess those heavy red drapes on the sides are hiding tourist-trap mall stores like an ice cream shop and a perfume discount outlet.
4. There's always someone who shows up on the red carpet who completely enrages us because of their mere "why-did-you-get-invited?" inclusion. Who will it be this year?
5. We have succumbed to Channing Tatum's charms. Sorry.
6. The "Hooray for Hollywood" Diet Coke spot gets us every time. Subtle, classy, and perfectly capturing our rose-tinted, magic-houred nostalgia for the magical way movies used to be made in an organized studio system. Also a nice shout-out to the people who stick the signs on the billboards - they're important too.
7. We heard nasty rumors about Lara Spencer's cold-blooded ambition, but can't remember the details. Does that mean we shouldn't still dislike her? Because we do.
8. We remain fascinated by this obsession with celebrity fashion and the shallow "who are you wearing?" question. Was it Joan Rivers who started this nonsense on her E! shows? We get the appeal from an old-Hollywood glamour angle. These are attractive, larger-than-life figures dolled up to look their absolute best. But there's now also this ridiculous need to rank best-dressed and worst-dressed. Don't these people live with enough scrutiny already? It's enough.
9. Entertainment Weekly editor Jess Cagle seems like a classy dude. And he's out in the red carpet hinterlands on Highland Avenue interview Daniel Radcliffe, who always looks startled.
10. We harbor a long-standing crush on Naomi Watts, but she doesn't look so good tonight. And with that... we just became a part of the problem we attacked in number 8 above. 11. "Oscar Road Trip." What a clever promotion, letting ordinary moviegoers hold an Oscar and get tickets to the show (or is it just tickets to the red carpet grandstands?). Sometimes it seems like the audience is barely a factor, doesn't it?
12. It really is all about Kristin Chenoweth in these interviews. Jeez.
13. "I think she looks pretty there," says Mrs. Fry regarding Nicole Kidman. We, however, note that her face doesn't much move above the nostrils.
14. Nice moment where we get a glimpse of what it's like to shuffle down the red carpet for dozens of whirring cameras. A friend who worked in the TV world says this is called "step and repeat." Smile, pose, walk two steps, smile, pose.
15. Mention now of another great program, this one that brings film students to Hollywood to learn about the Academy and Hollywood filmmaking. These kinds of outreach programs are so great, but we hadn't heard about it until now. Same with that "Oscar Road Trip." Shouldn't that better-publicized to generate goodwill?
16. We just noticed there's no Ryan Seacrest. No wonder we're enjoying ourselves.
17. That Oscar Mystery item better be something real and cool after all of this awkward build-up. (Update: it is. A pair of ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz.)
18. The people sliding past DeNiro as he gives his red carpet interview. We wonder if they're nudging each other and whispering, "There's DeNiro!" "I know!"
19. The 44-year-old Jennifer Aniston is aging oh so well. That is all. Sigh.
20. Adele is towering over Chenoweth. Looks like Adele could pop her in her mouth like a Gummi Bear. We wish she would.
21. Oh, George Clooney and his little trophy girlfriends. What a life.
22. Whispered reverentially by Mrs. Cheese Fry regarding Sandra Bullock: "I love her."
23. Sorry, but Anne Hathaway has become insufferable with her phony humility and false modesty. She's her own biggest fan. We're not saying this isn't true about every actor, but she's got to do better at hiding it.
24. We barely recognized Renee Zellweger. It's almost tragic the way actresses feel a compulsion to get cosmetic work done.
25. Cool how the people in the show's control room are all wearing tuxedos.
26. At this point, hip-hop is just an amusing footnote to Queen Latifah's career, isn't it?
2. We want to like Kristin Chenoweth. We do. But we can't. She seems to be trying... oh... so... hard. Her neck cords are always popping and straining. And why is she the one doing the red carpet interviews? Was Terri Hatcher and Kelly Ripa busy? Then again, at least Kristin has been in movies. Kelly Rowland is even more of a mystery hire.
3. Nice shot of the long red-carpeted staircase leading up to the theater lobby. You'd never guess those heavy red drapes on the sides are hiding tourist-trap mall stores like an ice cream shop and a perfume discount outlet.
4. There's always someone who shows up on the red carpet who completely enrages us because of their mere "why-did-you-get-invited?" inclusion. Who will it be this year?
5. We have succumbed to Channing Tatum's charms. Sorry.
6. The "Hooray for Hollywood" Diet Coke spot gets us every time. Subtle, classy, and perfectly capturing our rose-tinted, magic-houred nostalgia for the magical way movies used to be made in an organized studio system. Also a nice shout-out to the people who stick the signs on the billboards - they're important too.
7. We heard nasty rumors about Lara Spencer's cold-blooded ambition, but can't remember the details. Does that mean we shouldn't still dislike her? Because we do.
8. We remain fascinated by this obsession with celebrity fashion and the shallow "who are you wearing?" question. Was it Joan Rivers who started this nonsense on her E! shows? We get the appeal from an old-Hollywood glamour angle. These are attractive, larger-than-life figures dolled up to look their absolute best. But there's now also this ridiculous need to rank best-dressed and worst-dressed. Don't these people live with enough scrutiny already? It's enough.
9. Entertainment Weekly editor Jess Cagle seems like a classy dude. And he's out in the red carpet hinterlands on Highland Avenue interview Daniel Radcliffe, who always looks startled.
10. We harbor a long-standing crush on Naomi Watts, but she doesn't look so good tonight. And with that... we just became a part of the problem we attacked in number 8 above. 11. "Oscar Road Trip." What a clever promotion, letting ordinary moviegoers hold an Oscar and get tickets to the show (or is it just tickets to the red carpet grandstands?). Sometimes it seems like the audience is barely a factor, doesn't it?
12. It really is all about Kristin Chenoweth in these interviews. Jeez.
13. "I think she looks pretty there," says Mrs. Fry regarding Nicole Kidman. We, however, note that her face doesn't much move above the nostrils.
14. Nice moment where we get a glimpse of what it's like to shuffle down the red carpet for dozens of whirring cameras. A friend who worked in the TV world says this is called "step and repeat." Smile, pose, walk two steps, smile, pose.
15. Mention now of another great program, this one that brings film students to Hollywood to learn about the Academy and Hollywood filmmaking. These kinds of outreach programs are so great, but we hadn't heard about it until now. Same with that "Oscar Road Trip." Shouldn't that better-publicized to generate goodwill?
16. We just noticed there's no Ryan Seacrest. No wonder we're enjoying ourselves.
17. That Oscar Mystery item better be something real and cool after all of this awkward build-up. (Update: it is. A pair of ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz.)
18. The people sliding past DeNiro as he gives his red carpet interview. We wonder if they're nudging each other and whispering, "There's DeNiro!" "I know!"
19. The 44-year-old Jennifer Aniston is aging oh so well. That is all. Sigh.
20. Adele is towering over Chenoweth. Looks like Adele could pop her in her mouth like a Gummi Bear. We wish she would.
21. Oh, George Clooney and his little trophy girlfriends. What a life.
22. Whispered reverentially by Mrs. Cheese Fry regarding Sandra Bullock: "I love her."
23. Sorry, but Anne Hathaway has become insufferable with her phony humility and false modesty. She's her own biggest fan. We're not saying this isn't true about every actor, but she's got to do better at hiding it.
24. We barely recognized Renee Zellweger. It's almost tragic the way actresses feel a compulsion to get cosmetic work done.
25. Cool how the people in the show's control room are all wearing tuxedos.
26. At this point, hip-hop is just an amusing footnote to Queen Latifah's career, isn't it?
2.20.2013
"All work and no play"
The Shining isn't a great movie (it's a little dull and rather obtuse), but it's certainly a memorable one. It has several creepy moments seared into our collective subconscious. Would you want to watch the bit with the twin girls alone at night? Neither would we. But most of all, it's a Kubrick movie, which means there is no shortage of subtext and depth and purpose to every shot, every line, every composition. Nothing is left to chance, which is why Kubrick movies can inspire mania and obsession. Our favorite is 2001: A Space Odyssey. We'll read anything about the making of that movie, the meaning of that movie, the making of the meaning of that movie.
Pixar filmmaker Lee Unkrich's obsession is The Shining. His website TheOverlookHotel.com is chock full of factoids and pictures and artwork about the movie. Our favorite is his post about the fictional Overlook Hotel keychains. How obscure can you get? And are they for sale?
Pixar filmmaker Lee Unkrich's obsession is The Shining. His website TheOverlookHotel.com is chock full of factoids and pictures and artwork about the movie. Our favorite is his post about the fictional Overlook Hotel keychains. How obscure can you get? And are they for sale?
A patchwork of NFL fanatics
For once, Facebook isn't a useless timesuck. A Sean Taylor used the website recently to analyze users' NFL team favorites and develop a map of NFL allegiances during the regular season (we duly note the kingdom of the Cowboys in the south - only the Broncos can boast a similarly large geographic area), then compared that map to some of the playoff rounds as teams started dropping out.
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