Knee-jerk review: "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

Are you kidding me? No way the Cheese Fry pays good money to see that pile of crap. We can smell it from here. Michael Bay is the enemy of all that is good and just about cinema. Even his "good" movies - Bad Boys, Armageddon, The Rock - are barely watchable, so packed full of unending explosions, testosterone-fueled posturing, and machine-gun editing that makes it utterly impossible to follow the action. Pearl Harbor is about as offensive a movie as you can make, turning a real-life tragedy into popcorn entertainment packed with cool CGI effects. Look, kids, see how cool it is to see the Arizona get sunk! Imagine 9/11 as a Jason Statham action movie. That Michael Bay is a multi-millionaire surrounded by people who think he's a genius is the sort of ridiculous situation that can make your bile boil. But then again, that's showbiz... where talent has little to do with success.



Bill Hader is quickly raising himself to Kristen Wiig standards on "Saturday Night Live." Case in point is the genius sketch below, brilliant because A) who knew that Keith Morrison could be so mercilessly mimicked like this and B) it actually has a beginning, middle, and end on a show full of half-baked sketches consisting of a funny premise and nothing more.

The poor, poor wealthy people

New York magazine earlier this year ran a compelling, if disheartening, look at how the privileged Wall Street elite were "struggling" with the recession and public pillorying of their useless ilk. They just don't get it. Ever think maybe the U.S. could use a French-Revolution style populist uprising? Or did I just get too Noam Chomsky on you?

Live long and be nerdy

ComicMix offers a very detailed "footnote" examination of the new Star Trek movie, including how movie elements fit in (or doesn't) with the established original canon. Just the kind of pathetic obsessive-compulsion we love.

Knee-jerk review: "The Taking of Pelham 123"

1. Denzel Washington and John Travolta are bona fide movie stars. They know what they're doing and are so fun to watch. Everyone else just needs to stay out of their way.
2. Surprisingly not a lot of traditional shoot-em-up action here. Mostly sweaty tension and tough-guy dialogue. In fact, what action is present, especially at the end, feels a little forced.
3. "You may be the last friend I ever make."
4. Solid through and through, but not especially memorable.
5. Love that Denzel's character isn't the angel you expect in a summer popcorn movie hero. Ditto his pudgy mid-section.
6. We wouldn't like a rat crawling up our pants leg either.
7. We're still not convinced whether or not James Gandolfini is a good actor. He always seems to be doing a variation on Tony Soprano.
8. Not sure why director Tony Scott kept using that lame step-frame photography effect. It was more distracting than energizing.
9. In the end, we were hoping for more.


Tom Selleck was supposed to be Indiana Jones

That's the only meta reason we can figure for this strange, but very amusing mashup of Star Wars and "Magnum P.I."