What it's like to live in Los Angeles

1. That person standing next to you in line at the Coffee Bean who kinda looks like Demi Moore? It is Demi Moore.
2. Wherever you are during the day, there's a little neuron in the back corner of your brain spending all its time wondering what would happen if a huge earthquake hit right... about... now, calculating survival odds, estimating the structural integrity of the whatever it is you're in or under, planning an exit route.
3. Why plant grass and trees when you can just pave it over?
4. Imagine being both an hour from the beach and an hour from the mountains. And not ever going to either one. Ever.
5. Good sushi always.
6. Unless it's January or February, there is no rain.
7. Unless it's January, February, or June, there are no clouds.
8. Don't bother starting your errand-running past 11:00am on a weekend. The traffic will be so bad you'll never get everything done on your list.
9. No matter how much you pretend that you're doing fine and are content with what you have, there's a jackass in the next lane driving a new BMW and wearing a $1800 pair of sunglasses who reminds you where you really stand in the economic scheme of things.
10. You can drive two hours in any direction and still not get out of the city. It's buildings and streets and people, all jammed together, for miles and miles and miles.
11. One good thing: an In N Out burger in every neighborhood.

12. The generic "industry" term means only one thing.
13. Everyone knows a shortcut. And you're always willing to hear new ones.


Things we forgot about Texas

1. The weather can change in a matter of minutes, gray clouds and thunder suddenly boiling up on what had been an otherwise clear day.

2. The streets and highways are filled with pick-ups trucks, the bigger and taller and more pointless, the better. Four rear tires get you bonus points.

3. Politically, things lean to the right. We'd never before seen an anti-Obama bumper sticker.

4. Whenever you are, it will probably only take you about 15 mintues to drive to a part of town that is nothing but rolling hills of unmowed grass and trees.


"It's time to put on makeup... it's time to dress up right..."

"Sesame Street" was undeniably essential to the Cheese Fry's formative years (and watching what passes for the show now is, frankly, rather disheartening), but there are few family shows as sublime as "The Muppet Show."

Top Ten Coolest Muppets
1. Kermit the Frog - obviously
2. Animal
3. Cookie Monster
4. Beaker
5. Grover
6. Big Bird - sentimental vote
7. The Count - he's a little bit crazy, don't you think?
8. Floyd
9. Gonzo
10. Bert - if we had to live with Ernie, we'd always be pissed off, too
11. Statler and Waldorf
12. Sam the Eagle

Five Most Annoying Muppets
1. Elmo - we reject him/her/it with all of our heart
2. Miss Piggy - we don't get her, we don't want to get her
3. Fozzie the Bear
4. Oscar the Grouch - overrated
5. The Swedish Chef - one joke stretched for an eternity

College Humor devised a chart to explore the etymology of Muppet names. Very clever.


"I'm losing you."

A few years ago, following a long time wandering the PC wilderness, the Cheese Fry re-embraced the Cult of the Mac. Apple is genius company in so many ways, but there's also a certain malevolence about it, don't you think? Steve Jobs may like to think of himself as the anti-Bill Gates, but he shares many of Bill's business instincts when it comes to maintaining a market share and blocking any and all competition. Macheads all love Jobs and think he's interested solely in creating a glossy, warm-and-fuzzy user experience, but come on. Like any CEO, he wants to growing Mac into an empire. In other words, Microsoft may have been a business bully in the 1990s, but Apple is giving them a run for their money in this decade.

Wired (we are also a member of the Cult of Wired) recently dissected the stormy relationship between Apple and AT&T over the iPhone. We never thought we'd feel sorry for AT&T.