It’s never easy rooting against All-American apple pie, but in today’s world courageous stands against ignorance and myopia have never been more important. And so the time has come to point accusing fingers at those of you who have happily drunk the Peyton Manning Kool-Aid. The sports media tell us at every opportunity how great NFL quarterback Manning is – the love and adulation heaped on this guy at times feels on a par with the praise lavished on Michael Jordan in the 1990s. Which is just ridiculous – Jordan won six rings, Manning’s won zero. Put simply, this is the time when all good men and women must begin to root against aw-shucks good-‘ol-boy Peyton Manning.
Herewith are five reasons why Manning deserves none of your respect.
1. Manning is paradoxically overrated. If you look at how much Manning’s accomplished, you’d be suitably impressed. Number one pick in the 1998 NFL draft. Co-MVP in 2003. NFL single-season touchdown leader with 48 in 2004. And yet, when it comes to big-time, high-stakes clutch performances, Manning has been very, very mortal. The Colts are typically extremely good in the regular season only to have the wheels come off in January when the post-season begins. Manning’s thus a combined 3-6 in NFL playoff games. This lack of success in Big Games has dogged Manning since his college days – give him credit: at least he’s consistent in his choke artist tendencies. To be fair, it’s okay to never win a Superbowl – there have plenty of outstanding quarterbacks who have had solid careers without doing so – but it has to be more than a little embarrassing to continue to fail when so many have anointed you as the one of the smartest and most gifted passers to ever play the game. Let’s also not forget the bank Manning makes – the Colts in 2004 gave him the biggest NFL salary ever at the time: $99 million over seven years. So much expectation, so few results.
2. Manning never met a play he didn’t want to audible. Have you seen this guy when he’s under center? It’s nothing but hand gestures and finger pointing taken to hilarious extremes. One wonders if he ever sticks to the play that’s called in the huddle. Certainly there are times when an NFL quarterback sees something in the defense that demands an audible, but it’s only Manning who’s developed this reputation for frantic scrimmage-line arm waving. Frankly, there’s something a little smug and arrogant about it, as if he’s buying into all of the talk about his intelligence and making sure everyone sees how clever and astute he is in reading defenses and adjusting at the last moment. That nonsense can come at a price, of course. A few seasons ago it was reported that Manning’s infinite audibles weren’t only confounding the defenses, but his own teammates.
3. Manning is apparently the only NFL player advertisers want to employ in their spots. There are plenty of recognizable faces playing football (including some, like Tom Brady, who've won Superbowls), but you wouldn’t know it from the advertising. You can’t watch a single commercial pod during an NFL game these days without seeing Manning’s mug working for one sponsor or another. There’s the ESPN Sportscenter and NFL spots with his father and brother (an irritant in and of itself – see #5 below), the Sprint commercial with his stupid mustache disguise (“laser rocket arm”), the DirecTV spots in which he talks to the camera from the field, and the - genuinely amusing - MasterCard spots featuring Manning cheering on everyday workers like paperboys and waitresses. Most of these spots trade on Manning’s purported mild-mannered affability. So it’s particularly jarring when Gatorade Rain uses Manning in a spot that requires an intimidating bad-ass. This is absolutely absurd. Rather than find a truly menacing NFL bully like Brian Urlacher, Gatorade went back to the goofy-faced Louisianan who intimidates with… his brainy audibles? Truth be told, these companies should probably all be boycotted, if only to teach them a lesson.
4. Any problem with the Indianapolis Colts offense has nothing to do with Manning. Watch Manning when a pass goes incomplete or the team fails to convert on third down. He slings his arms around and shakes his head like a petulant four-year-old. It’s never his fault (which seems odd since he’s the one making all of those audibles). He’s brilliant – it’s teammates who fail to elevate themselves to his level that leads to trouble. This tendency was particularly obvious in 2006 following the Colts’ predictable exit from the playoffs – at the post-game press conference Manning awkwardly suggested the real problem lied with his offensive line not giving him time to work his magic. Classy.
5. Manning’s part of a supposed football family dynasty. Not only do we have to endure all of the attention paid to Peyton, but we also have to hear all about his father Archie and brother Eli. This doesn’t just mean having to sit through cutesy big-lug advertising spots that feature all three, but also the annoying inevitability that every article and TV piece about Peyton will sooner or later make the obligatory mention of the family. We get it – they’re all quarterbacks. (Archie never won the big one, either, so maybe it runs in the family.) As a post-script, the true Manning sensibility was perhaps best displayed with daddy Archie got involved in baby Eli’s temper tantrum about wanting to be drafted by the Giants, even though the Chargers had the number one pick and decided to draft him. The look of disgust on Eli’s face holding the Charger jersey (moments before they traded his underachieving ass to the Giants) is priceless – to be so upset to have just been guaranteed millions. What a bunch of jerks.
In sum, let us all join forces to hope that Peyton Manning goes the way of the NFL quarterback who is so far most like him: gunslinger Dan Marino, a guy who racked up lots of honors and statistics but never won a Superbowl. Now that would be something to cheer about.
11.24.2006
11.22.2006
Heroes "Homecoming"
Cool: Mohinder finds a list in his father's computer of all the world's heroes. A great moment, yes. But how exactly did Chandra Suresh find these people? There’s some throwaway technobabble dialogue about using the human genome project, but how would that allow a scientist in India to know if I can breathe underwater or not? Seems like a cheat, but we’ll let it slide. Also, did it strike you as kind of funny that all Mohinder had to do was click one button to get to that list? (Do you want to quit? No. Okay, then here’s all of the heroes.)
Cooler: We wonder at what point someone at NBC will get the idea to try and market and sell a mock-up version of Chandra Suresh’s Activating Evolution book.
Huh?: What high school takes one of the most dramatic social events of the year – the announcement of homecoming queen – and reduces it to a flyer stapled to a commons bulletin board?
Falling: Sylar, who was built up as this unstoppable force of gory evil and telekinetic power. But he was neutralized in just a few short minutes after tussling with irritating wimp Peter and mind-control pixie Eden. Feels like a letdown.
Cooler: We wonder at what point someone at NBC will get the idea to try and market and sell a mock-up version of Chandra Suresh’s Activating Evolution book.
Huh?: What high school takes one of the most dramatic social events of the year – the announcement of homecoming queen – and reduces it to a flyer stapled to a commons bulletin board?
Falling: Sylar, who was built up as this unstoppable force of gory evil and telekinetic power. But he was neutralized in just a few short minutes after tussling with irritating wimp Peter and mind-control pixie Eden. Feels like a letdown.
Lost "I Do"
Cool: A gold star for actor Michael Emerson. As dastardly as his Ben may be, Emerson still manages to stir genuine sympathy with his (probably phony) hangdog vulnerability in the scenes involving his fatal cancer.
Cooler: We really should mention Kate and Sawyer’s bear cage sex scene. And now we have.
Coolest: Jack springs into action once again, ignoring the Hippocratic Oath to put Ben in mortal danger on the operating table to force the Others to release Kate and Sawyer. Too bad Jack doesn’t realize they’re on a different island and have nowhere to run.
Huh?: We understand the importance of sweeps to ABC and appreciate that the second half of the “Lost” season will air without repeats. But February 1, 2007 sure seems like a long way away.
Falling: Kate. We learn she married a cop, apparently forgetting that she’s, like, a fugitive on the run from police. That said, this development is a nice callback to season 1 when during a game of “I Never” with Sawyer she revealed that she’d been married.
Cooler: We really should mention Kate and Sawyer’s bear cage sex scene. And now we have.
Coolest: Jack springs into action once again, ignoring the Hippocratic Oath to put Ben in mortal danger on the operating table to force the Others to release Kate and Sawyer. Too bad Jack doesn’t realize they’re on a different island and have nowhere to run.
Huh?: We understand the importance of sweeps to ABC and appreciate that the second half of the “Lost” season will air without repeats. But February 1, 2007 sure seems like a long way away.
Falling: Kate. We learn she married a cop, apparently forgetting that she’s, like, a fugitive on the run from police. That said, this development is a nice callback to season 1 when during a game of “I Never” with Sawyer she revealed that she’d been married.
Battlestar Galactica "Hero"
Cool: Tigh finally gets himself a cool eyepatch.
Cooler: This is an episode with a lot of twists and turns as the truth is slowly revealed about Bulldog’s secret mission and Adama’s role in ending it. Adama’s clearly upset about the choices he made, but what choices were they? At first it seems he’s upset that he left Bulldog behind, then it seems like the problem is that he shot Bulldog down to preserve the mission’s secrecy, then later we find out that Adama’s mission across the Cylon Armistice Line may have been the provocation that started the entire war. This is good stuff, exploring the costs of command and the price of war.
Huh?: The Cylon base star scenes continue to mystify us. But that's why TiVo has a fast-forward button.
Best Line: “Sometimes surviving can be its own death sentence.” – Tigh to Bulldog, neatly summarizing theme of the entire episode.
Rising: Adama, who turns out isn’t a perfect leader with an unblemished record. His transfer to Galactica (the oldest battlestar in the fleet, remember), it turns out, was the admiralty’s way of offering him a graceful retirement following the disastrous mission with Bulldog.
Cooler: This is an episode with a lot of twists and turns as the truth is slowly revealed about Bulldog’s secret mission and Adama’s role in ending it. Adama’s clearly upset about the choices he made, but what choices were they? At first it seems he’s upset that he left Bulldog behind, then it seems like the problem is that he shot Bulldog down to preserve the mission’s secrecy, then later we find out that Adama’s mission across the Cylon Armistice Line may have been the provocation that started the entire war. This is good stuff, exploring the costs of command and the price of war.
Huh?: The Cylon base star scenes continue to mystify us. But that's why TiVo has a fast-forward button.
Best Line: “Sometimes surviving can be its own death sentence.” – Tigh to Bulldog, neatly summarizing theme of the entire episode.
Rising: Adama, who turns out isn’t a perfect leader with an unblemished record. His transfer to Galactica (the oldest battlestar in the fleet, remember), it turns out, was the admiralty’s way of offering him a graceful retirement following the disastrous mission with Bulldog.
Battlestar Galactica “A Measure of Salvation”
Cool: Baltar gets tortured. Finally. The Cheese Fry can’t wait for the reruns.
Cooler: The Cylon debate. Apollo and Roslin see this virus as the perfect opportunity to wipe out the Cylons, but Helo (and to a lesser extent, Adama) worry what such a decision will mean for humanity. How is Apollo’s plan any different from the Cylon’s nuclear attack on the 12 colonies? Are the Cylons a “race” worthy of preservation? Bonus points to Adama for insisting that the decision rest with Roslin. He doesn’t want his hands dirty.
Coolest: Helo makes the bold decision to put his money where his mouth is and sabtoage Apollo’s genocide plan. This guy’s something else.
Best Line: “I have determined the Cylons be made extinct.” – Roslin’s edict to pursue Apollo’s plan to infect the Cylons with the virus.
Falling: Baltar, whose arc continues to be the most confusing part of the show. What exactly is going on in all of those Cylon base star scenes? More importantly, do we care to do the work required to find out?
Cooler: The Cylon debate. Apollo and Roslin see this virus as the perfect opportunity to wipe out the Cylons, but Helo (and to a lesser extent, Adama) worry what such a decision will mean for humanity. How is Apollo’s plan any different from the Cylon’s nuclear attack on the 12 colonies? Are the Cylons a “race” worthy of preservation? Bonus points to Adama for insisting that the decision rest with Roslin. He doesn’t want his hands dirty.
Coolest: Helo makes the bold decision to put his money where his mouth is and sabtoage Apollo’s genocide plan. This guy’s something else.
Best Line: “I have determined the Cylons be made extinct.” – Roslin’s edict to pursue Apollo’s plan to infect the Cylons with the virus.
Falling: Baltar, whose arc continues to be the most confusing part of the show. What exactly is going on in all of those Cylon base star scenes? More importantly, do we care to do the work required to find out?
Heroes “Seven Minutes to Midnight”
Cool: Ted the firestarter and Matt the mindreader compare weird neck marks. Are the marks something Horn Rim Glasses burned onto them when he studied them or are the marks clues to what gave them the power? Mohinder’s dad thinks it’s a natural evolutionary process, which would seem to contradict the idea that the heroes were kidnapped, marked, and given the powers.
Cooler: Horn Rim Glasses explains Sylar is killing heroes. This not suggests that maybe HRG isn’t the villain we’d suspected him of being. Even better, this suggests the show may ultimately be more satisfying that something like “Lost” that can seem so stingy with doling out plot details and backstory secrets.
Coolest: Eden isn’t just a pretty spy. She’s got a fun hero power of her own: suggestive whispering, Jedi-style.
Huh?: If HRG and Eden know Isaac can only predict the future when he’s high, why clean him up? It seems they do this just so Eden and HRG can have an argument about forcing Isaac back onto heroin. By the way, painting the future? Not as groovy as mindreading or time-travel or flying. But we suppose it was necessary for plotting purposes.
Cooler: Horn Rim Glasses explains Sylar is killing heroes. This not suggests that maybe HRG isn’t the villain we’d suspected him of being. Even better, this suggests the show may ultimately be more satisfying that something like “Lost” that can seem so stingy with doling out plot details and backstory secrets.
Coolest: Eden isn’t just a pretty spy. She’s got a fun hero power of her own: suggestive whispering, Jedi-style.
Huh?: If HRG and Eden know Isaac can only predict the future when he’s high, why clean him up? It seems they do this just so Eden and HRG can have an argument about forcing Isaac back onto heroin. By the way, painting the future? Not as groovy as mindreading or time-travel or flying. But we suppose it was necessary for plotting purposes.
Battlestar Galactica "Torn"
Cool: Sharon’s new call sign is Athena (Boomer is no more), which was the name of Apollo’s sister/Adama's daughter on the original series. Some have suggested this is the writers’ way of subtly underscoring Adama’s growing connection to Sharon. All the more to make his betrayal of her regarding Hera all the more dramatic.
Cooler: Suggestion is made that the Cylon virus was deliberately planted – booby-trap style – by the 13th colony as it headed for earth long ago. We’re not sure what to make of that, but it’s interesting.
Coolest: The old Starbuck may be on the way back, what with the dramatic knife-blade haircut she gives herself. (Check out the worried expressions on her fellow Colonials when she whips out that knife in the communal bathroom.) It would seem that, unlike Tigh, Starbuck is ready to try and get past the pain she suffered on New Caprica.
Huh?: What the heck is this babbling-in-a-milk-bath Cylon hybrid thing? It’d be kind of cool if it wasn’t so clearly a ripoff of the pre-cogs in Minority Report.
Best Line: “That man doesn’t exist anymore, Bill.” – Tigh to Adama. A response to Adama’s demand that Tigh be the man he once was. Murdering your wife can do that to you.
Rising: Tigh, who’s becoming the show’s most compelling character, so happily succumbing to his burning hatred and self-pity (and the attendant alcoholism). Despite what he tells Adama, no doubt some future crisis will allow Tigh to redeem himself.
Cooler: Suggestion is made that the Cylon virus was deliberately planted – booby-trap style – by the 13th colony as it headed for earth long ago. We’re not sure what to make of that, but it’s interesting.
Coolest: The old Starbuck may be on the way back, what with the dramatic knife-blade haircut she gives herself. (Check out the worried expressions on her fellow Colonials when she whips out that knife in the communal bathroom.) It would seem that, unlike Tigh, Starbuck is ready to try and get past the pain she suffered on New Caprica.
Huh?: What the heck is this babbling-in-a-milk-bath Cylon hybrid thing? It’d be kind of cool if it wasn’t so clearly a ripoff of the pre-cogs in Minority Report.
Best Line: “That man doesn’t exist anymore, Bill.” – Tigh to Adama. A response to Adama’s demand that Tigh be the man he once was. Murdering your wife can do that to you.
Rising: Tigh, who’s becoming the show’s most compelling character, so happily succumbing to his burning hatred and self-pity (and the attendant alcoholism). Despite what he tells Adama, no doubt some future crisis will allow Tigh to redeem himself.
Lost "The Cost of Living"
Cool: Jack and Juliet continue their flirting and, honestly, The Cheese Fry can hardly blame him. Juliet may be the Bad Girl with a Heart of Gold that Kate only wished she could be - our zeal for Evangeline Lily continues to wane.
Cooler: Juliet’s clever tactic to communicate a secret message to Jack. She tells him how great Ben is while she runs a silent videotape for Jack in which she holds up contradictory handwritten signs, which includes “Some of us want a change.” Is she telling the truth? Is it a set-up? One of those goosebump moments at which this show excels.
Huh?: Yes, the integration of new cast members Kiele Sanchez and Rodrigo Santoro continues to be embarrassingly ham-handed and clumsy, but far more awkward is the sudden and rather anticlimactic demise of Mr. Eko, inexplicably felled by the black smoke monster.
Best Line: “Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.” – Locke, delivering one of those polished Big Theme gems.
Falling: The original castaways, who have become rather boring, don't you think? So far this season, all of the thrills and intrigue comes from the Others and their interactions with Jack, Sawyer, and Kate.
Cooler: Juliet’s clever tactic to communicate a secret message to Jack. She tells him how great Ben is while she runs a silent videotape for Jack in which she holds up contradictory handwritten signs, which includes “Some of us want a change.” Is she telling the truth? Is it a set-up? One of those goosebump moments at which this show excels.
Huh?: Yes, the integration of new cast members Kiele Sanchez and Rodrigo Santoro continues to be embarrassingly ham-handed and clumsy, but far more awkward is the sudden and rather anticlimactic demise of Mr. Eko, inexplicably felled by the black smoke monster.
Best Line: “Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.” – Locke, delivering one of those polished Big Theme gems.
Falling: The original castaways, who have become rather boring, don't you think? So far this season, all of the thrills and intrigue comes from the Others and their interactions with Jack, Sawyer, and Kate.
10.28.2006
Battlestar Galactica “Collaborators”
Cool: Poor Cylon collaborator Jammer finds himself judged, juried, and executed by an underground star chamber. Method of execution: purge by airlock via a Viper launch tube. While handcuffed. Before the title credits.
Cooler: Roslin pulls a Gerald Ford/Jimmy Carter and blanket-pardons everyone who might have collaborated with the Cylons. You know, to begin the healing.
Huh?: Will someone please give Tigh a proper eyepatch? The sloppy square gauze thing is dramatic and all but it really does seem unnecessary at this point.
Best Line: “Your presidency is a farce and it ends right now!” – Adama to Zarek after learning that Zarek actually okayed the Circle.
Rising: Gaeta, who refuses to beg for his life when sentenced to die for his purported crimes against humanity. This kid’s got spunk. Tyrol earns honorable mention for making a big show of eating with Gaeta at episode’s end, doing his part to thaw the freeze between Gaeta and crew.
Falling: Cally, who didn’t think it was worth mentioning to Tyrol that someone on the Cylon secret police, like, let her go. This dim-witted oversight may have cost Jammer his life at the hands of the Circle. If this show were a feature film, Cally would be played by Rachael Leigh Cook or Ashlee Simpson. She's that annoying.
Cooler: Roslin pulls a Gerald Ford/Jimmy Carter and blanket-pardons everyone who might have collaborated with the Cylons. You know, to begin the healing.
Huh?: Will someone please give Tigh a proper eyepatch? The sloppy square gauze thing is dramatic and all but it really does seem unnecessary at this point.
Best Line: “Your presidency is a farce and it ends right now!” – Adama to Zarek after learning that Zarek actually okayed the Circle.
Rising: Gaeta, who refuses to beg for his life when sentenced to die for his purported crimes against humanity. This kid’s got spunk. Tyrol earns honorable mention for making a big show of eating with Gaeta at episode’s end, doing his part to thaw the freeze between Gaeta and crew.
Falling: Cally, who didn’t think it was worth mentioning to Tyrol that someone on the Cylon secret police, like, let her go. This dim-witted oversight may have cost Jammer his life at the hands of the Circle. If this show were a feature film, Cally would be played by Rachael Leigh Cook or Ashlee Simpson. She's that annoying.
Lost “Every Man for Himself”
Cool: Sawyer’s an ex-con. We knew it. Extra credit for pulling a con on a fellow inmate for the authorities to get himself an early release.
Cooler: It doesn’t make a lick of sense, but somehow Desmond seems to have developed some kind of clairvoyant powers to see the future.
Coolest: The Others fool Sawyer into thinking he’s got a gizmo in his chest that will burst his heart if his pulse rate exceeds a certain level. The cherry on this is watching Sawyer’s heart race dangerously fast when he catches a glimpse of Kate’s naked back.
Best Line: “We’re gonna have to get that guy another button to push.” – Charlie to Claire, in reference to Desmond, who’s been acting oddly ever since the hatch imploded (see Cooler above).
Rising: Kate displays some real moxie here. First she wriggles out of her cage. Then she refuses to flee into the jungle and abandon Sawyer, choosing instead to return to her cage. Oh yeah, and she also professes her love for Sawyer to keep him from getting beaten to a pulp.
Cooler: It doesn’t make a lick of sense, but somehow Desmond seems to have developed some kind of clairvoyant powers to see the future.
Coolest: The Others fool Sawyer into thinking he’s got a gizmo in his chest that will burst his heart if his pulse rate exceeds a certain level. The cherry on this is watching Sawyer’s heart race dangerously fast when he catches a glimpse of Kate’s naked back.
Best Line: “We’re gonna have to get that guy another button to push.” – Charlie to Claire, in reference to Desmond, who’s been acting oddly ever since the hatch imploded (see Cooler above).
Rising: Kate displays some real moxie here. First she wriggles out of her cage. Then she refuses to flee into the jungle and abandon Sawyer, choosing instead to return to her cage. Oh yeah, and she also professes her love for Sawyer to keep him from getting beaten to a pulp.
Lost "Further Instructions"
Cool: Poor Flashback Locke’s played for a sucker yet again, this time tricked into bringing an undercover cop to a paraside farm commune that’s actually a thriving marijuana farm. Nice moment: Locke tries to kill the cop and preserve his little slice of heaven, but the cop calmly walks away, insisting Locke is a farmer, not a hunter.
Huh?: This is a treading-water episode. The whole thing is a big "huh?" Not much happens. And what does happens is completely bizarre, even for this show. John builds a Native American sweat lodge, has a fever dream vision of Boone who directs him to find Eko, who has – get this – been dragged to a lair by a maniacal polar bear. This is crazy, people. Crazy. It's episodes like this that scare off new viewers.
Huh?: This is a treading-water episode. The whole thing is a big "huh?" Not much happens. And what does happens is completely bizarre, even for this show. John builds a Native American sweat lodge, has a fever dream vision of Boone who directs him to find Eko, who has – get this – been dragged to a lair by a maniacal polar bear. This is crazy, people. Crazy. It's episodes like this that scare off new viewers.
Battlestar Galactica “Exodus Part 2”
Cool: Galactica FTL jumps into the blue skies above New Caprica, burning as it free-falls through the atmosphere, sticking around just long enough to launch its Vipers before jumping away again. A real showstopper of a visual effect.
Cooler: Tigh unexpectedly puts his money where his mouth is and kills his misguided wife Ellen, punishment for her having helped the Cylons. This guy is becoming a real force of nature. His days of drunken, ineffectual self-loathing seem a thing of the past - his time in the Cylon detention center have honed him to a steely point.
Coolest: The predictable self-sacrifice of the Pegasus, as Apollo defies Adama’s orders and swoops in to save Galactica from certain doom. This sequence, which is capped the empty Pegasus ramming one of the Cylon basestars (which takes out another basestar after the explosion sends big chunks of Pegasus flying everywhere), is one of the most thrilling space battles since The Wrath of Khan.
Huh?: Gaeta gives Baltar a chance to redeem himself by going to stop the Cylon nuke planted on New Caprica. Okay, but by the time Baltar goes looking for it, the planet looks completely deserted. Everyone’s already evac'd to Galactica, so who cares if a nuclear bomb goes off?
Cooler: Tigh unexpectedly puts his money where his mouth is and kills his misguided wife Ellen, punishment for her having helped the Cylons. This guy is becoming a real force of nature. His days of drunken, ineffectual self-loathing seem a thing of the past - his time in the Cylon detention center have honed him to a steely point.
Coolest: The predictable self-sacrifice of the Pegasus, as Apollo defies Adama’s orders and swoops in to save Galactica from certain doom. This sequence, which is capped the empty Pegasus ramming one of the Cylon basestars (which takes out another basestar after the explosion sends big chunks of Pegasus flying everywhere), is one of the most thrilling space battles since The Wrath of Khan.
Huh?: Gaeta gives Baltar a chance to redeem himself by going to stop the Cylon nuke planted on New Caprica. Okay, but by the time Baltar goes looking for it, the planet looks completely deserted. Everyone’s already evac'd to Galactica, so who cares if a nuclear bomb goes off?
10.18.2006
NBC 2, CBS 0
Friday Night Lights (NBC) may be this season’s Little Show That Couldn’t. Critics love it but it’s not finding an audience, perhaps the victim of “tweenism.” It may seem too teen for adults and too adult for teens, so neither demographic watches it. The competition – Gilmore Girls and the inexplicable 1970s throwback Dancing with the Stars (you want to see real dancing talent, tune in to So You Think You Can Dance next summer – seriously) – certainly doesn’t help, leeching off women viewers who might actually like the more soapy qualities of this saga of a small town's obsession with its top-ranked high school football team. The execution also isn't very familiar - the camerawork is shaky, the performances rather raw, the dialogue often light on helpful exposition. The show can play like a verite PBS documentary. It's not the comfort food of ER or Law & Order. You have to pay attention. It’s the best new show of the season, but you probably didn’t know that because you’re not watching. Watch it now before it gets cancelled.
Heroes (NBC) certainly didn’t look too good coming out of the gate, seeming like a poor man’s X-Men what with the overt comic book influence and the copycat serialized structure that’s been so in vogue since the success of Lost. But this show is worthy of your attention. The individual character subplots, which are of course becoming more and more interlocked and overlapped as we go along, are more richly realized than most network dramas’ entire seasons. There’s something very Stephen King circa 1985 about the way the supernatural here invades the very ordinary. It all rings pretty much true. Here’s hoping the show concludes its New York City apocalypse storyline at the end of the first season and then – ala 24 – sets up a new crisis for season 2. This is a very durable premise with lots of story potential. You don’t need to watch it now because it’s shaping up to be the season’s first breakout hit. It’ll be around for a while.
Studio 60 (NBS, er, NBC) is the pretty girl you put up on the pedestal. But then you actually talk to her and you realize how wrong you were. You desperately want to like this show. Aaron Sorkin’s last two shows – The West Wing and SportsNight – were instant classics of complex character and smart dialogue. Sorkin's something of a genius. The problem seems to be that he agrees. As good as Bradley Whitford and Matthew Perry may be, they can’t make you care about what happens during the course of producing a Saturday Night Live style sketch show. The stakes just aren’t that high. Perry's writer’s block isn’t the same as Martin Sheen's international hostage crisis. Plus there’s just a nagging feeling that Sorkin and his crew are very much in love with his snappy banter that leaves everyone sounding exactly the same (and smug in a way that suggests you're stupid if you don't think it's all so veddy veddy brilliant). Don’t bother.
Jericho (CBS) stars Skeet Ulrich, which is really all you need to know about this show. The premise is certainly somber, perhaps the most blatant post-9/11 allegory we’ve seen yet: small town faces the possibility that most of America has been wiped out in a nuclear war. Jeez. Pass the popcorn. Given the right execution, there’s certainly a lot of drama and conflict to be mined from such a grim situation. Think what the writers of 24 could do with this (or, come to think of it, have done with this). Hope amid death, the triumph of humanity amid violence, the living dealing with the guilt of survival, etc. But the show is too clumsy for those kinds of themes. It’s like a high school drama good vs. evil production devoid of subtlety or nuance.
Heroes (NBC) certainly didn’t look too good coming out of the gate, seeming like a poor man’s X-Men what with the overt comic book influence and the copycat serialized structure that’s been so in vogue since the success of Lost. But this show is worthy of your attention. The individual character subplots, which are of course becoming more and more interlocked and overlapped as we go along, are more richly realized than most network dramas’ entire seasons. There’s something very Stephen King circa 1985 about the way the supernatural here invades the very ordinary. It all rings pretty much true. Here’s hoping the show concludes its New York City apocalypse storyline at the end of the first season and then – ala 24 – sets up a new crisis for season 2. This is a very durable premise with lots of story potential. You don’t need to watch it now because it’s shaping up to be the season’s first breakout hit. It’ll be around for a while.
Studio 60 (NBS, er, NBC) is the pretty girl you put up on the pedestal. But then you actually talk to her and you realize how wrong you were. You desperately want to like this show. Aaron Sorkin’s last two shows – The West Wing and SportsNight – were instant classics of complex character and smart dialogue. Sorkin's something of a genius. The problem seems to be that he agrees. As good as Bradley Whitford and Matthew Perry may be, they can’t make you care about what happens during the course of producing a Saturday Night Live style sketch show. The stakes just aren’t that high. Perry's writer’s block isn’t the same as Martin Sheen's international hostage crisis. Plus there’s just a nagging feeling that Sorkin and his crew are very much in love with his snappy banter that leaves everyone sounding exactly the same (and smug in a way that suggests you're stupid if you don't think it's all so veddy veddy brilliant). Don’t bother.
Jericho (CBS) stars Skeet Ulrich, which is really all you need to know about this show. The premise is certainly somber, perhaps the most blatant post-9/11 allegory we’ve seen yet: small town faces the possibility that most of America has been wiped out in a nuclear war. Jeez. Pass the popcorn. Given the right execution, there’s certainly a lot of drama and conflict to be mined from such a grim situation. Think what the writers of 24 could do with this (or, come to think of it, have done with this). Hope amid death, the triumph of humanity amid violence, the living dealing with the guilt of survival, etc. But the show is too clumsy for those kinds of themes. It’s like a high school drama good vs. evil production devoid of subtlety or nuance.
Lost "The Glass Ballerina"
Cool: Sawyer defies the Others’ explicit instructions and kisses Kate on the road gang work detail. It’s soon clear this was not about romance, but about luring the Others into attacking him so he could gauge their combat skill. Clever boy. But he loses points for later explaining his motivation to Kate in a voice loud enough to be picked by Ben’s microphones. How can the castaways at this point not be so paranoid as to speak in whispers? Don’t they watch the show?
Huh?: Sayid the master military tactician foolishly puts Sun in jeopardy by allowing Sun to make tea (!) in the docked sailboat while he and Jin stake out the jungle awaiting to ambush the Others. How can Sayid so underestimate the enemy?
Best Line: “I'm guessing most of these boys have never seen any real action. But that blond who had a gun pointed at you? She would have shot you, no problem.” – Sawyer assessing the Others to Kate. The blond he’s referring to is The Cheese Fry’s new It Girl, the Other named Juliet.
Rising: Sun, who’s turning out to be quite a dangerous character. First the flashbacks reveal her capacity for deception. As a little girl, she allows an innocent maid to be fired rather than admit her own misdeed. As a woman, she cheats on her husband and possibly allows herself to be impregnated as a result. But wait, that’s not all. Then, Sun gut shoots point-blank one of the Others, just moments after the Other claimed Sun would never do such a thing. Oops.
Huh?: Sayid the master military tactician foolishly puts Sun in jeopardy by allowing Sun to make tea (!) in the docked sailboat while he and Jin stake out the jungle awaiting to ambush the Others. How can Sayid so underestimate the enemy?
Best Line: “I'm guessing most of these boys have never seen any real action. But that blond who had a gun pointed at you? She would have shot you, no problem.” – Sawyer assessing the Others to Kate. The blond he’s referring to is The Cheese Fry’s new It Girl, the Other named Juliet.
Rising: Sun, who’s turning out to be quite a dangerous character. First the flashbacks reveal her capacity for deception. As a little girl, she allows an innocent maid to be fired rather than admit her own misdeed. As a woman, she cheats on her husband and possibly allows herself to be impregnated as a result. But wait, that’s not all. Then, Sun gut shoots point-blank one of the Others, just moments after the Other claimed Sun would never do such a thing. Oops.
10.14.2006
Battlestar Galactica “Exodus Part 1”
Cool: The New Caprica resistance has somehow constructed a huge subterranean bunker a la Hogan’s Heroes (you get to it by opening a trap door hidden under a rug) right under the Cylons’ noses.
Cooler: Tigh’s months in Cylon captivity have turned him into a cold-blooded bad ass, all military tactics and merciless determination. The eye patch doesn't hurt, either. Will Adama even recognize this guy? Which leads us to...
Coolest: Check out the look of one-eyed anguish on Tigh’s face when Ellen confesses that she did indeed give the resistance map to the Cylons to save his life.
Huh?: The Cheese Fry is reserving judgment on the Starbuck-is-a-mommy subplot. Do we really want Starbuck’s edge softened by maternal instincts? Maybe, maybe not.
Best Line (tie): “Don’t make me cry on my own hangar deck.” – Adama to Apollo as they say their awkward testosterone goodbyes. “Adama wouldn’t lie to me.” – Caprica-Boomer to D’Anna, who claims Adama and Roslin faked baby Hera’s death. This betrayal will surely test Caprica-Boomer’s new allegiance to the Colonials just in time for November sweeps.
Falling: Cally, who just doesn’t seem worthy of Tyrol’s affections. She’s a bit, well, dim and always has been, more cute puppy than anything else. Here she is, fleeing the Cylon execution site and rather than stay low and hug the ground, she runs upright in plain site of the Centurions below. Which means Tyrol has to risk the whole operation to pull Cally out of the way. Blech.
Cooler: Tigh’s months in Cylon captivity have turned him into a cold-blooded bad ass, all military tactics and merciless determination. The eye patch doesn't hurt, either. Will Adama even recognize this guy? Which leads us to...
Coolest: Check out the look of one-eyed anguish on Tigh’s face when Ellen confesses that she did indeed give the resistance map to the Cylons to save his life.
Huh?: The Cheese Fry is reserving judgment on the Starbuck-is-a-mommy subplot. Do we really want Starbuck’s edge softened by maternal instincts? Maybe, maybe not.
Best Line (tie): “Don’t make me cry on my own hangar deck.” – Adama to Apollo as they say their awkward testosterone goodbyes. “Adama wouldn’t lie to me.” – Caprica-Boomer to D’Anna, who claims Adama and Roslin faked baby Hera’s death. This betrayal will surely test Caprica-Boomer’s new allegiance to the Colonials just in time for November sweeps.
Falling: Cally, who just doesn’t seem worthy of Tyrol’s affections. She’s a bit, well, dim and always has been, more cute puppy than anything else. Here she is, fleeing the Cylon execution site and rather than stay low and hug the ground, she runs upright in plain site of the Centurions below. Which means Tyrol has to risk the whole operation to pull Cally out of the way. Blech.
Battlestar Galactica “The Occupation” and “Precipice”
Cool: Adama and Caprica-Boomer are now confidantes. There’s something very interesting developing here in the triangle between Adama, Caprica-Boomer, and Apollo. One could argue that Adama sees in tough-minded Caprica-Boomer something he’s never completely seen in Apollo, even moreso now that Apollo's gained 50 pounds or so since the occupation of New Caprica began.
Cooler: There are obvious parallels between New Caprica and 1940s Vichy France what with the puppet government and the underground rebel resistance. That’s the easy way to go. But this is a show that wants to make things complicated. And so here we hear our Tyrol-Tigh-Anders resistance referred to as “insurgents,” assigning the good guys the loaded name we associate with the bad guys in Iraq.
Best Line: “You work with the Cylons, you’re a target.” – Colonel Tigh’s icy rationale for recruiting a suicide bomber to attack the graduation ceremony of Cylon’s new human secret police force.
Rising: Ellen Tigh, who seems geuinely selfless here, having sex with Brother Cavil not for her own gratification but to win Tigh’s release. Even better, she defines “wrong thing for the right reason” when she steals a key resistance map to ensure Tigh’s safety.
Falling: Baltar, although it’s unclear just how much farther this guy can fall. He is kind of fascinating on one hand in his narccisistic misery. Then again, he is only enormously annoying in his weak-willed cowardice. Rather than take a noble bullet and maybe do the right thing, he signs a death warrant for the leaders in the Colonial community.
Cooler: There are obvious parallels between New Caprica and 1940s Vichy France what with the puppet government and the underground rebel resistance. That’s the easy way to go. But this is a show that wants to make things complicated. And so here we hear our Tyrol-Tigh-Anders resistance referred to as “insurgents,” assigning the good guys the loaded name we associate with the bad guys in Iraq.
Best Line: “You work with the Cylons, you’re a target.” – Colonel Tigh’s icy rationale for recruiting a suicide bomber to attack the graduation ceremony of Cylon’s new human secret police force.
Rising: Ellen Tigh, who seems geuinely selfless here, having sex with Brother Cavil not for her own gratification but to win Tigh’s release. Even better, she defines “wrong thing for the right reason” when she steals a key resistance map to ensure Tigh’s safety.
Falling: Baltar, although it’s unclear just how much farther this guy can fall. He is kind of fascinating on one hand in his narccisistic misery. Then again, he is only enormously annoying in his weak-willed cowardice. Rather than take a noble bullet and maybe do the right thing, he signs a death warrant for the leaders in the Colonial community.
10.11.2006
Lost "A Tale of Two Cities"
Cool: Evangeline Lily was definitely the cast “It Girl” back in season one in 2004, but she’s lost a little something. Maybe it's her continued inexplicable romance with co-star Dominic Monaghan. Anyway, just in time comes the arrival of Elizabeth Mitchell’s silky "Other" Juliet, who could no doubt kick Kate’s ass or beat her at chess, either one. The torch may have just been passed.
Cooler: The Others live like J. Crew suburbanites in Fantasy Island-style bungalows on the far other side of the island. This is not what the Cheese Fry was expecting. And yet it makes sense somehow. The twists just keep on coming.
Coolest: Seeing the frightening crash of Oceanic 815 from the ground in a shaky long shot, showing how the plane broke up in midair without any clear reason for doing so (reinforcing the idea that it was the island’s big magnetic pulse the did it).
Cooler: The Others live like J. Crew suburbanites in Fantasy Island-style bungalows on the far other side of the island. This is not what the Cheese Fry was expecting. And yet it makes sense somehow. The twists just keep on coming.
Coolest: Seeing the frightening crash of Oceanic 815 from the ground in a shaky long shot, showing how the plane broke up in midair without any clear reason for doing so (reinforcing the idea that it was the island’s big magnetic pulse the did it).
"Previously on Battlestar Galactica..."
"Lay Down Your Burdens" (Parts 1 and 2)
Cool: For the first time, we see what it looks like to do an FTL jump from inside a ship.
Cooler: Roslin, typically a paragon of morality, comes very close to stuffing the ballot box and stealing the election from Baltar. Even better, the episode initially suggests this coup is being carried out by Tigh and Duella without her knowledge. And then comes the bombshell when Roslin admits to Adama she personally okayed it. That’s gold.
Great ending: This may be one of television’s best season enders ever, right up there with J.R. getting shot. After Baltar wins the election, the action flash forwards an entire year to show the characters in completely new situations and relationships on New Caprica. Apollo’s gotten fat and wants nothing to do with Starbuck. Tyrol and Cally are a couple. Starbuck’s mended fences with Tigh. Baltar’s president lounges around Colonial One like Ceasar. And Adama’s got a 1970 porn star mustache. Oh yeah, and then they Cylons return. This is one ballsy story decision from which there is no going back.
Huh?: We get another healthy dose of Cylon religion mumbo-jumbo with an extended subplot involving Tyrol’s psychoanalysis-slash-religious-counciling by annoying Brother Cavil. More troubling, Cavil’s later revealed to be a Cylon which means we’ll have to see more of him.
Best Line: “I’m going to wipe the floor with you, Gaius.” – Roslin, all bad ass steely eyes and clenched jaw, to Baltar after he makes his surprise presidential candidacy announcement.
Cool: For the first time, we see what it looks like to do an FTL jump from inside a ship.
Cooler: Roslin, typically a paragon of morality, comes very close to stuffing the ballot box and stealing the election from Baltar. Even better, the episode initially suggests this coup is being carried out by Tigh and Duella without her knowledge. And then comes the bombshell when Roslin admits to Adama she personally okayed it. That’s gold.
Great ending: This may be one of television’s best season enders ever, right up there with J.R. getting shot. After Baltar wins the election, the action flash forwards an entire year to show the characters in completely new situations and relationships on New Caprica. Apollo’s gotten fat and wants nothing to do with Starbuck. Tyrol and Cally are a couple. Starbuck’s mended fences with Tigh. Baltar’s president lounges around Colonial One like Ceasar. And Adama’s got a 1970 porn star mustache. Oh yeah, and then they Cylons return. This is one ballsy story decision from which there is no going back.
Huh?: We get another healthy dose of Cylon religion mumbo-jumbo with an extended subplot involving Tyrol’s psychoanalysis-slash-religious-counciling by annoying Brother Cavil. More troubling, Cavil’s later revealed to be a Cylon which means we’ll have to see more of him.
Best Line: “I’m going to wipe the floor with you, Gaius.” – Roslin, all bad ass steely eyes and clenched jaw, to Baltar after he makes his surprise presidential candidacy announcement.
9.08.2006
What Hollywood really thinks
Radar anonymously polled 50 Hollywood insiders to dish the dirt on the industry power players. We all knew Russell Crowe is a "Nightmare Actor" and Brett Ratner's the "Biggest Hack" but would have figured Ron Howard's partner Brian Grazer was the "Biggest Credit Hog"?
9.01.2006
It's Never Enough
1. Ikea
2. Dazed and Confused
3. Left-turn arrows
4. Snuffers Restaurant
5. Madden NFL Football
6. Central air conditioning
7. TV ads for Geico car insurance
8. Rachel McAdams
9. "Battlestar Galactica"
10. Newcastle Pale Ale
11. Elmore Leonard
12. The deep touchdown pass
13. Steve Nash
14. Stand-alone (not the mythology) “X-Files” episodes
15. Stone Temple Pilots’ “Plush”
16. “Survivors ready…. Go!”
17. The Cinerama Dome
18. “The Price is Right”
19. The Dixie Chicks
20. Astroburger
21. “Robot Chicken”
22. ABC’s Elizabeth Vargas
23. Tom Brady
24. Writer Chuck Klosterman
25. Netflix
26. The Sunday edition of the Los Angeles Times
27. Cold fronts
28. Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
29. New carpet under your bare feet
30. Drivers who wave after you let them in
31. Stephen Colbert
32. The beep-pop sound effects of TiVo
33. Sirius satellite radio and uncensored Howard Stern
34. Pointless lists
2. Dazed and Confused
3. Left-turn arrows
4. Snuffers Restaurant
5. Madden NFL Football
6. Central air conditioning
7. TV ads for Geico car insurance
8. Rachel McAdams
9. "Battlestar Galactica"
10. Newcastle Pale Ale
11. Elmore Leonard
12. The deep touchdown pass
13. Steve Nash
14. Stand-alone (not the mythology) “X-Files” episodes
15. Stone Temple Pilots’ “Plush”
16. “Survivors ready…. Go!”
17. The Cinerama Dome
18. “The Price is Right”
19. The Dixie Chicks
20. Astroburger
21. “Robot Chicken”
22. ABC’s Elizabeth Vargas
23. Tom Brady
24. Writer Chuck Klosterman
25. Netflix
26. The Sunday edition of the Los Angeles Times
27. Cold fronts
28. Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan
29. New carpet under your bare feet
30. Drivers who wave after you let them in
31. Stephen Colbert
32. The beep-pop sound effects of TiVo
33. Sirius satellite radio and uncensored Howard Stern
34. Pointless lists
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