Top four somewhat criminal acts

1. That time we drank too many beers and had too far to drive to get home, resulting in a unavoidable need to find a deserted alley in which to urinate for what seemed like three full minutes. You're never as aware of your surroundings as you are when you're looking in every direction all at once to be sure no one's around. That said, we couldn't have stopped even if a cop rolled up.

2. That time in college we stepped away from a first-run episode of "Seinfeld" to buy beers for a couple of freshmen. The store was right up the street, so it didn't take that long. But we did feel a pang of moral regret. Trust us, those knuckleheads had no business drinking.

3. That time in high school we helped steal a Dallas Morning News newspaper vending machine to try and get the change out of it. Turns out those things are pretty secure. Sorry, Belo Corporation.

4. That other time in high school we helped steal a bunch of fire extinguishers from a parking garage, then set them off in a creek behind a church. The resulting plume of CO smoke led someone to call the fire department. As we were leaving, we passed the fire truck, lights and sirens blazing. It's very hilarious when you're 17.

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