“I’ll read the votes.”

Top Nine Jeff Probst Lines from Survivor

9 “Once the votes have been read the decision is final and the person voted out of the tribe will be asked to leave the tribal council area immediately.” The run-on sentence legalese of Survivor. The use of the word “immediately” makes one wonder what might happen if someone refused to go. It’s bound to happen eventually, right?

8 “I’ll go tally the votes.” Uttered just as Probst steps off camera to confer with the show producers on how to arrange the paper votes in the most dramatic order possible so as to best milk the vote reveal sequence. Instead of seeing that, however, the audience gets instead a series of dramatic cross-dissolves of the Survivors at Tribal Council, most of them staring worriedly into the fire.

7 “Once again, immunity... back up for grabs.” If it’s the tribal immunity idol, Probst might punctuate this line with an emphatic pat of the idol top. But for the individual immunity necklace, he’ll just kind of hang it back up on its bamboo pole.

6 “Previously on... Survivor.” It’s that oh-so-brief, melodramatic pregnant pause between the “on” and the “Survivor” that helps explain why Probst makes the big bucks.

5 (tie) “Come on in, guys.” and “Head on back to camp.” The show invariably uses variations on these Probst-isms to signal the beginnings (Survivors gather together, squinting in the sun) and ends of challenges (one tribe celebrates in slow motion, the other drops their heads in slow motion shame and disgust), respectively.

3 “Survivors ready... go!” Classic Probst, but only if accompanied by that self-serious arm thing.

2 “Want to know what you’re playing for?” This one invariably leads to that week’s clumsy product placement, whether it’s a bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos and a sixer of Mountain Dew or an ugly new Pontiac Aztek.

1 "The tribe has spoken.” Followed by the climactic snuffing of a torch by a coconut shell thing that looks like something the Professor would have invented on Gilligan’s Island.


  1. Anonymous8:13 AM

    Wow - glad to see the posts are flowing again. What a drought it was before the past couple!

  2. The best line is "Come on in, guys!"

  3. Or... "I got nothing for you."