Knee-jerk review: "Ted"

1. This movie reminds us that the best thing about the 1980 flop Flash Gordon is Queen's catchy, over the top theme song.  It's pretty much downhill from there.
2. If you like "The Family Guy," you'll like this.
3. We do.  And we did.
4. This what they call a "hard R."  You'd probably have to go back to something like Superbad or The Hangover to find a movie this profane and this filthy.  It crosses the line several times.  And we mostly mean that as a compliment. 
5. Seth MacFarlane may be something of a comic genius.  We really don't understand people who hate "The Family Guy."  It's offensive at times, yes, but joke-for-joke there's few TV comedies so frantic and rapid fire.
6. We sometimes feel like we're getting a little too old for bathroom humor.  But then this movie goes and presents two of the funniest fart gags we've ever seen.  We could not stop laughing.  It's like were 10 again.
7. Not crazy about the contrived action-thriller third act.  It doesn't really fit the rest of the movie but we suppose the studio insisted.
8. Also not crazy about the lowlifes who wheeled in a toddler in a stroller to watch this movie.  When Ted was threatened at the climax, the toddler started crying.  Way to parent, people.  Our country is so screwed.
9. Even the narration by Sir Patrick Stewart is profane.  Yes, it's funny to hear Captain Picard's Shakespearean diction used for bad words.
10. Cameo by Lance Armstrong's testicle.  Yeah, it's that kind of movie.
11. They kind of wasted Joel McHale.  We've been a fan ever since we first saw him in those old Burger King spots.
12. Where's Tom Skerritt been?
13. It may not work with most audiences, but the movie's obsession with 1980s pop culture will resonate quite nicely with Generation Xers.
14. We like Mila Kunis, but we're not sure if we love her.  She just kinda is, don't you think?
15. Mark Walhberg on the other hand.  Gold.
16. Hilarious movie.

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