Knee-jerk review: "Uncharted"

1. A lot of fun. In fact, it's so good-hearted and earnest that any criticism feels like a cruel nitpick.  It know what it is and totally delivers.
2. Whether you call it a shameless rip-off or a clever homage, it's most definitely in the vein of Indiana Jones-style globe-hopping action-adventure treasure hunts.  See also: The DaVinci Code, Tomb Raider, and National Treasure.
3. Apparently it's based on a video game, but the film never feels convoluted like so many game adaptations.  The only clue to us was the Playstation logo that appeared during the producer logos at the start of the movie.
4. Tom Holland looks like he might be able to leverage his aw-shucks Spiderman success into genuine movie stardom.
5. It's the kind of movie that relies on some pretty crazy plot points, like the plausibility of working-class thieves and pickpockets figuring out a 500-year-old mystery.  While at the same time a billionaire with every resource available can't do it without their help.
6. If you can put your heroes in tuxedoes at a swanky auction heist, we're pretty much already on board.
7. Mark Walhberg is just playing himself at this point, right?
8. Everyone's after plundered treasure from hundreds of years ago: gold crosses and coins and ingots.  That's cool, but we couldn't help but wonder what you do with that once you have it?  How do you convert that into cash?  Sell it to a museum?  Melt it down into bars?  You make bars, okay, then what?  Take those to the local Wells Fargo teller?  You really would need a specialized underground precious metal fence to help you... and then we wonder, will how do you trust that person not to double-cross you?  We eventually had to stop that train of thought and focus back on the movie.
9. Yes, there are "plot twists" that do what the story needs them to do and sends the action in a new direction, but you likely won't be surprised by any of them.
10. Okay, not quite true: we were sort of shocked by one unexpected character elimination.
11. One of the little Fries was quite annoyed that the "You're a little young to be a bartender" and "You're a little old to be going to prom" exchange featured in the trailer didn't make it into the movie.  We had to explain movie editing and marketing to her.
12. It's been said that memorable set pieces are what makes a good film great.  Uncharted has three - maybe four - knockout action scenes.  The ending is particularly over the top in the best way possible.
13. It's a dumb pet peeve, but we hate when movies just begin without a title.  What's the impulse in filmmakers to play the movie and then only after the final fade out (and right before the credits roll) will we finally see in big letters... Uncharted.  What's the deal?  This is becoming more and more common and we do not approve.
14. See it.

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