Knee-jerk review: "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny"

1. It's pretty good.  Definitely an upgrade from 2008's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, which was a complete mess.  This one should have been the fourth one.
2. We really don't understand the bad reviews.  Were expectations too high?  
3. The biggest criticism we could maybe offer is the whole question of why it was made.  But should that sort of thing factor into a review of the quality of the finished film?  Should critics focus only on the art or should they take into account the narrative surrounding how and why the art was created?
4. The movie certainly embraces Harrison Ford's age (he's 80).  We noticed several shots of Indy walking away from the camera linger on his old man shuffle-limp and there's more than one scuffle that a younger Raiders of the Lost Ark-era Indy would have been handled no problem, but here he's surprisingly weak and clumsy.
5. We're not sure about including another underage, Short Round-style, street kid sidekick.
6. We heard the ending was wild, but it's... really wild.  We figured we had an idea what to expect, but we were totally wrong.  It's fun to be surprised.
7. The train prologue may go on a little too long, but it's a slam-bang action sequence very much in line with what you'd see in the earlier movies.
8. The last scene got to us. We didn't have to wipe a tear, but we sure came close.  You'll know it when you see it.
9. Another great "Indy's getting old" moment comes when he's giving a lecture to a classroom full of bored students, a stark contrast to the students (especially the female students making goo-goo eyes) in the earlier movies who were paying rapt attention.
10. Then again, as a friend pointed out, hitting the "Indy's getting old" angle so hard may be a turnoff for some.  Who wants to spend two hours contemplating the looming mortality of one of Hollywood's greatest hero characters?
11. There's also the issue of whether younger moviegoers even know who Indiana Jones is.  We took the Little Fries to see it, but would they have gone on their own if given a choice?  We've dutifully showed them the first three movies, which they liked, but it's not really in their bones like it is might be for Generation X who came of age with Indiana Jones.
12. They cast Antonio Banderas for that role?  
13. It's good that they also gave a strong arc to Phoebe Waller-Bridger's character, who starts the movie undertaking these adventures solely as a way to get rich and get out of debt.  Shades of Han Solo, in fact.
14. The "de-aging" CGI magic that creates new flashback footage of Harrison Ford as he looked thirty years ago is pretty good, but it still has a bit of that "uncanny valley" quality at times.  That said, you get used to it pretty quickly.  It does the trick.
15. It's not an Indiana Jones movie without him riding on a horse, deciphering some crazy clues in an ancient language, or crawling through a booby-trapped underground catacomb.  Check, check, and... check.

Updated Indiana Jones movie rankings -
1. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), obviously
2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), obviously
3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), by a hair and if you argued Dial of Destiny is better we wouldn't argue
4. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
and then...
5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) - we still can't believe that stupid title

Our (current) favorite Indiana Jones quotes - if you know, you know
* "He chose... poorly."
* "It's not the years, honey.  It's the mileage."
* "It belongs in a museum!"
* "Give me the whip!"
* "Nothing to fear here." "That's what scares me."
* "Indiana, let it go."
* "You lost today, kid, but that doesn't mean you have to like it."
* "Bad dates."
* "I don't know, I'm making this up as I go."
* "Snakes.  Why did it have to be snakes?"

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Knee-jerk review: "Uncharted"

1. A lot of fun. In fact, it's so good-hearted and earnest that any criticism feels like a cruel nitpick.  It know what it is and totally delivers.
2. Whether you call it a shameless rip-off or a clever homage, it's most definitely in the vein of Indiana Jones-style globe-hopping action-adventure treasure hunts.  See also: The DaVinci Code, Tomb Raider, and National Treasure.
3. Apparently it's based on a video game, but the film never feels convoluted like so many game adaptations.  The only clue to us was the Playstation logo that appeared during the producer logos at the start of the movie.
4. Tom Holland looks like he might be able to leverage his aw-shucks Spiderman success into genuine movie stardom.
5. It's the kind of movie that relies on some pretty crazy plot points, like the plausibility of working-class thieves and pickpockets figuring out a 500-year-old mystery.  While at the same time a billionaire with every resource available can't do it without their help.
6. If you can put your heroes in tuxedoes at a swanky auction heist, we're pretty much already on board.
7. Mark Walhberg is just playing himself at this point, right?
8. Everyone's after plundered treasure from hundreds of years ago: gold crosses and coins and ingots.  That's cool, but we couldn't help but wonder what you do with that once you have it?  How do you convert that into cash?  Sell it to a museum?  Melt it down into bars?  You make bars, okay, then what?  Take those to the local Wells Fargo teller?  You really would need a specialized underground precious metal fence to help you... and then we wonder, will how do you trust that person not to double-cross you?  We eventually had to stop that train of thought and focus back on the movie.
9. Yes, there are "plot twists" that do what the story needs them to do and sends the action in a new direction, but you likely won't be surprised by any of them.
10. Okay, not quite true: we were sort of shocked by one unexpected character elimination.
11. One of the little Fries was quite annoyed that the "You're a little young to be a bartender" and "You're a little old to be going to prom" exchange featured in the trailer didn't make it into the movie.  We had to explain movie editing and marketing to her.
12. It's been said that memorable set pieces are what makes a good film great.  Uncharted has three - maybe four - knockout action scenes.  The ending is particularly over the top in the best way possible.
13. It's a dumb pet peeve, but we hate when movies just begin without a title.  What's the impulse in filmmakers to play the movie and then only after the final fade out (and right before the credits roll) will we finally see in big letters... Uncharted.  What's the deal?  This is becoming more and more common and we do not approve.
14. See it.

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Knee-jerk review: "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in IMAX

1. "Snakes.  Why did it have to be snakes?"

2. Remember when Paramount was a Gulf +Western company?

3. We don't recall the pacing and editing being this fast and this lean.  There's no time wasted anywhere.  It's one set piece and one sequence after another, bang bang bang.  Maybe we have a different memory because of so many airings on television, which slices and dices everything for the commercials and stalls the momentum.

4. People (including us) had big problems with the silly alien element of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  But look at this ending.  Angels and demons and melting faces and laser beams of holy wrath.  That's pretty out there, too.  Ditto the guy who gets his beating heart ripped out in Temple of Doom and the 1000-year-old knight guarding a magic cup in The Last Crusade.

5. Whatever happened to Paul Freeman?

6. It may be one of the best lines ever.  "It's not the years, honey.  It's the mileage."  Gold.

7. The story may hold up, but this is still an old movie.  The special effects and the process shots all look surprisingly grainy and shaky.  But we appreciate that Spielberg hasn't pulled a Lucas and gone back to polish it all up.

8. When we were younger, the dialogue scenes between the action scenes were the boring parts.  But as we get older, it's clear that this is where the real story lies.  Most notable are the lines dropped throughout that fill in Indiana and Marion's troubled backstory.  Just how young was Marion when Indiana fooled around with her?  Eek.

9. We also never really appreciated until now how much of a skeptic Indiana is when we first meet him. He doesn't believe in the supernatural.  Even as he's telling the Army intelligence officers about the Ark's Biblical power, he's barely able to keep from rolling his eyes.  He's Dana Scully.  And then at the end of the movie, he gets it.  It's all real.  These aren't just objects for a museum.  These things have power.  "Close your eyes, Marion!"

10. We're older now than Harrison Ford was when he made this movie.

11. "Throw me the whip!"

12. Raiders of the Lost Ark is 31 years old.  That's as old as Sunset Boulevard and All About Eve (both released in 1950) was in 1981 when Raiders was released.  Something to think about.

13. "We are... we are not thirsty."

14. Somehow we saw a behind-the-scenes featurette on how they painstakingly choreographed and filmed the Nepal bar fight, shot by shot, set-up by set-up.  This was a huge influence on sharpening our obsession with movies and Hollywood.

15. We may finally understand the appeal of Karen Allen.  She's not conventionally attractive, but there's a zesty, sexy spunk to her.  Marion really is Indiana's equal.  A hard drinker and a hard fighter.

16. "They're digging in the wrong place."

17. Can you really fling a grown man through a truck windshield with one hand?

18. This movie wouldn't work as well as it does without John Williams' score.  Yes, we bought the soundtrack.  On LP.

19. Check out the way Spielberg shoots Ford when the workers are opening the lid to the Well of Souls.  Lightning behind him, eyes wild, sweaty face.  Indiana looks like a crazy person, presumably to underscore his obsession.

20. "Bad dates."
21. How many bullwhips were sold in the 1980s because of this movie?  Just curious.

22. They also hit pretty hard that film-school cliche of the villain being a mirror image of the hero.  First Belloq says it explicity in the cafe.  "I am a shadowy reflection of you."  And then later, in case you didn't get it, in that bazooka scene (even though Indiana initially says he only wants Marion) Indiana realizes he's just as interested in opening the Ark as Belloq.  

23. If you're a film buff, you better know the difference between real IMAX and fake IMAX.  We saw Raiders in fake IMAX because believe it or not, in all of Los Angeles there are only two real IMAX theaters and neither was showing it.

24. We'll never think of this movie as Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.  Sorry, George Lucas.

25. We noticed for the first time that Dr. Jones' female students are all making dreamy goo-goo eyes at him. It's not just the girl with "love you" written on her eyelids. 

26. One of Hollywood's most memorable film deaths is surely the bald Nazi who gets shredded by the plane propellor.  Sprrratt.
27. Speaking of which, as epic and memorable as the truck chase is, the better sequence is probably the one that precedes it with the flying wing.  Everything that can go wrong does go wrong as the danger and the violence escalate.

28. We still probably could have done without the monkey.

29. Applause moments during our screening: the Paramount logo, Indiana first stepping into the sunlight when he bullwhips the double-crosser in the jungle, Indiana smirking at Marion in the bar and saying "Trust me," and the end credits.

30. "Top.  Men."
31. At this point is there anyone who hasn't heard the story behind the scene when Indiana just pulls a gun and shoots the big Arab dude with the scimitar?

32. Dear Raiders of the Lost Ark, thank you for existing.  Sincerely, the Cheese Fry.

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Indiana Jones and the Lame Sequel

Mystery Man on Film looks at Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull from a story structure/screenwriting perspective and... well, he eviscerates it. Fifty reasons why the movie is deeply flawed, poorly executed, and sloppily written. A very comprehensive look at how the movie could have been so much better. The Cheese Fry blames George Lucas.

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Knee-jerk review: "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"

1. If it were a term paper, it'd get a solid B. Good, but we think it could have done better if only it had applied itself.
2. A lead-lined refrigerator? Seriously?
3. Harrison Ford is in his mid-60s and it shows. It may take you 15 minutes or so to settle into the fact that Indiana Jones should be a member of AARP.
4. Cate Blanchett can do no wrong. Amazing.
5. The movie doesn't really take off until Shia LaBeouf shows up. His interactions with Ford are a lot of fun.
6. The quicksand scene has the film's best moment.
7. Karen Allen looks terrible. Sorry, but we call them like we see them. And the filmmakers completely fumble the reunion of Indiana and Marion, inexplicably making it a forced and rushed moment.
8. The big jungle truck chase is fun, but also somewhat tedious. The fencing is cool, though.
9. The movie's much more of a mystery/quest, following clues and piecing everything together, rather than a rip-roaring action adventure.
10. The Cheese Fry found the ending somewhat ridiculous.
11. Nice Marcus Brody reference at Indiana's college campus, but the photos Indiana has on his desk of his father and Brody look like Paramount publicity stills, not the sort of real photos a real person would, like, really have on a real desk. Why is that?
12. The charm of the first three movies, especially the first, was that so much of the action had to rely on practical effects. Which made sense because they were supposedly an homage to the cheesy 1930s two-reel adventure serials. There's a bit of a CGI overload here, especially in the last 10 minutes that undermine the film's simplicity.
13. The rumors you've heard about the crystal skull are, sadly, very true. It's all very odd. But you just have to remind yourself that this is all a throwback to the B-movie serials of George Lucas' youth, in which (especially in the 1950s) there were some with some rather overt sci-fi elements.
14. Love hearing that Indiana was an OSS spy working in Europe during World War II. If only we could have seen a movie about those exploits.

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The six best parts of "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

1. Commandeering the truck - The obvious choice. This is why the Hollywood term "set piece" was invented. Consider this: out the windshield, down the front grill (bending off the Mercedes hood ornament along the way), under the chassis, then back up into the back (thanks to a handy bullwhip). A Nazi tries the same move a few minutes later and gets run over with a delightful shriek of pain. If you're not a globe-trotting archaeologist, don't try this at home. "Truck? What truck?"
2. The bar fight - No phony CGI trickery here, only practical on-set effects (spreading fire, sparking bullets, breakaway tables and chairs) and clever fight choreography in very closed quarters. Also a great reminder of the dangers of picking up a Staff of Ra medallion without first checking its temperature.
3. The flying wing fight - Suspenseful in that Everything Goes Wrong. Marion gets trapped in the flying wing, a fire's slowly spreading to a giant fuel tank, and Indiana's getting his ass kicked by a guy who belongs in the WWE. Few actors can take a beating as convincingly as Harrison Ford. Watch out for those propellers.
4. The Peruvian temple opening - There are character introductions and then there are sequences like this. Movie heroes don't often get iconic set-ups like the one Indiana Jones gets here. You don't pull a gun on him, you do exactly as he says in a hidden temple ("Stay out of the light."), you throw him the whip when he asks or run the risk of death by impalement, and you most definitely don't stash a snake in his plane seat.
5. Escaping the Wells of Souls - In a movie full of movie-serial cliffhanger moments, this is the movie's best. Indiana and Marion sealed in an ancient chamber all alone, surrounded by snakes, with their torches going out. There's no plausible way out whatsoever. They'll die here. Right?
6. Opening the Ark - The payoff. Only here do the filmmakers let their visual effects flag fly as Belloq, Toht, and Deitrich find out first-hand what the Power of God can do and millions of pre-teen boys can't believe their frickin' eyes. "Close your eyes, Marion!"

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