10 thoughts on the 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards

1. Meryl Streep? Seriously?

2. That whole move where the winner has to wind through the tables and chairs to get to the stage and keeps getting interrupted by someone who wants a hug or a kiss or a handshake has nothing to do with the winner and everything to do with the interrupter trying to steal some of the spotlight and look important and connected.

3. Is it us or did Ricky Gervais dial it back a little this year? He seemed a lot tamer. Pity.

4. What happened to Madonna's British accent?

5. Hollywood keeps trying to push Jessica Beil on us.

6. Dudes we wish we looked like (in no particular order): George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, Eawn McGregor, Clive Owen.

7. That's not playing fair to Melissa McCarthy, sticking her next to Paula Patton.

8. Quote of evening, delivered by Mrs. Cheese Fry: "Please do not fast-forward George Clooney."

9. Interesting how some women age so gracefully and continue to look radiant, while others fight age tooth and nail and wind up looking so plastic and brittle. You know which is which.

10. Morgan Freeman will always be Easy Reader to us.

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Cheese Fry posts you won't be seeing in 2012

2011 was a banner year for the Cheese Fry, with a whopping 80 posts. It was by far our most prolific year, thanks mostly to a very active September that involved numerous knee-jerks to the new fall TV shows (New Girl and Person of Interest, yes, we're still watching).

We're hoping for an equally prodigious 2012. We're not sure what pop culture ephemera will catch our eye, but we can guarantee it won't include these topics:

"The prequels are way better than the original trilogy"

"Hipsters taught us a valuable lesson about great music"

"Why we love the Kardashians"

"The joys of traffic gridlock"

"The day we won the Powerball $78 million lottery"

"Dallas Cowboys: undefeated"

"Knee-jerk review: the Twilight franchise DVD box set"

"We wish more people talked in movie theaters"

"Live blogging the People's Choice Awards"

"Justin Bieber is underrated"

"How 'Hawaii Five-O' accurately portrays genuine police work"

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And the Oscar goes to

Ever wonder what an Oscar ballot looks like? Wonder no more. Thanks to GoldDerby.com

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Post-yuletide malaise

You'd think a grown adult would grow jaded about Christmas, develop an immunity to yuletide cheer. Not us. The run-up to December 25 remains our favorite time of the year (some might call it that most wonderful time of the year), which means December 26 leads to a calendar sugar crash of immense proportions.

No more anticipation regarding the presents - gifts are suddenly open and what was a pile of mysterious packages is now just a pile of wadded-up paper. No more stop-motion 1960s holiday TV specials. No more of that infectious holiday buzz at malls and grocery stores as everyone rushes to get everything done on time. No more "A Christmas Story" marathons. No more lines to get a picture with Santa. No more holiday-themed TV episodes or commercials where everyone's looking out a snowy window or presenting perfect snacks on candlelit suburban tables. No more countdowns of shopping days. No more turkey and dressing leftovers. No more over-the-top set decorations on the network morning shows that are all snowflakes and aluminum trees. No more reason to stay in town to see family and old friends, not when the real world and your job awaits back home. No more uttering of "Happy holidays" or "Merry Christmas" to strangers. No more wink-wink "scientific" discussions of tracking Santa's progress on Christmas Eve. No more "Christmas Wrapping" by The Waitresses on your local radio station. No more relevance to the many artifacts that remain until January 2, things like rooftop Christmas lights, your living room tree, or that mistletoe-scented candle, things that are now instantly obsolete and serve only to cruelly remind us that it's all over.

See you next December.

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Knee-jerk review: "My Week with Marilyn"

1. Finally, a legitimate indie arthouse drama. Call it a palate cleanser after the in-your-face pyrotechnics and sequel theatrics of Mission Impossible 4 and Sherlock Holmes 2.

2. Michelle Williams dazzles. She doesn't look at all like Marilyn, yet at the same time looks exactly like her, if that makes sense. She seems to somehow capture Marilyn's essence (as if any of us even know what that might be). And she completely nails the voice.

3. But she nearly gets the movie stolen out from under her by Kenneth Branagh and Judi Dench, both at the top of their game.

4. Marilyn may have suffered under the invasive scrutiny of her fans, but she would have been miserable without their attention. If you buy what this film is selling, she simply had to have the adoration. She was desperate for approval and love.

5. What red-blooded American male wouldn't have wilted at the phrase "Call me Marilyn"? Gulp.

6. We were very engaged by the backstage drama involving the making of The Prince and the Showgirl, especially the arguments over Method Acting and the delicate politics of handling a temperamental star. The sycophantic hand-holding, the chronic tardiness, the ineffective self-medication that does more harm than good, the crippling self-doubt of fragile egos... is this a period piece or a modern-day documentary? On-set problems with A-list movie stars all remain the same.

7. Marilyn refers to her persona at one point in the third-person "her" - suggesting she turns on that charm and performs as Marilyn when she thinks that's what required. Fascinating.

8. We were trying to imagine what sort of modern-day movie star might be Marilyn's equal. That is, if you're a first-time employee of a big Hollywood production and you wind up in a strange romance with the leading lady, spending a weekend with her, sharing both kisses and a bed, what sexy contemporary star (i.e. someone every man wants) would it have to be to rival the ridiculous situation our young hero finds himself in? Angelina Jolie probably wins the "sexy" scale, but is she an A-list movie star? Maybe. We also considered Julia Roberts in her early 1990s prime, but as huge as she was, Julia was never sexy and desirable like Marilyn, was she? The landscape has changed.

9. Emma Watson probably shot her scenes in three days.

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2011 movies we wished we'd seen

The 2009 arrival of Li'l Fry has put a crimp in our habit of seeing one or two new releases in theaters every weekend. That sort of social-life spontaneity is now a completely alien concept. The list of movies we have seen in theaters can be counted on two hands (The King's Speech, Hanna, Bridesmaids, X Men First Class, Super 8, Moneyball, The Muppets, Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows).

The movies we wanted to see, but didn't, are legion:

30 Minutes or Less

The Adjustment Bureau

Another Earth

Apollo 18

The Artist

Captain America

Cars 2

Cedar Rapids

The Change-Up

Colombiana

Contagion

The Descendants

Dream House

Drive

Fast Five

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Green Hornet

Green Lantern

Hall Pass

The Hangover Part II

Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Part 2

The Help

Horrible Bosses

The Ides of March

Insidious

In Time

Like Crazy

Limitless

The Lincoln Lawyer

Margin Call

Martha Marcy May Marlene

Melancholia

Midnight in Paris

My Week with Marilyn

Our Idiot Brother

Prom

Real Steel

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Scream 4

The Skin I Live In

Sucker Punch

Super

Take Me Home Tonight

Transformers: Dark Side of the Moon

The Thing

Thor

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Unknown

Young Adult

In a perfect world, all of these would have clever, pithy knee-jerk reviews that would amuse and dazzle you.

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Knee-jerk review: "Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows"

1. Like the first movie, the plot can be impossible to follow. Sure, you'll understand the broad strokes of the story. But connecting the dots in a he's-doing-that-because-of-this way is often impossible. The action will shift locations, a new character will pop up, something important will happen and you'll hear an ominous music cue, and you won't understand any of it. So you'll just sort of have to go with the flow.

2. Not happy at all with the first act turn that does something dastardly to a character played by a Future Ex-Mrs. Cheese Fry.

3. Some pretty good action bits, especially the train sequence. But this is a movie that likes to chop up the fight scenes into little staccato chunks (perhaps the better to hide the fact that it's stuntmen doing the hard work rather than our actors). It's exciting and energetic, but also disorienting and confusing in a Michael Bay sort of way.

4. There is a certain novelty to an action movie set in 1891. Take this same story and put it in contemporary times and it wouldn't be as interesting.

5. Also a big help: the wry British humor.

6. The first 40 minutes or so is a tedious drag. The exposition and chit-chat goes on and on. Things perk up once Holmes meets his match in Professor Moriarty. Always good to have a villian who is the equal of the hero.

7. We don't think it's going to happen, Noomi Rapace. Sorry.

8. Lame Pulp Fiction ripoff. Points deducted.

9. We do like the bits in which Holmes uses his deductive reasoning.

10. But we hate the inclusion of Holmes' daffy brother. A big distraction who doesn't fit the rest of the movie.

11. Interesting theme involving the way technology is intertwined with war. For a story set at the turn of the century, but still many years away from the meat grinder of World War I, it makes perfect sense that so much is made of the growing war-making industries, especially a running gag in which the characters find bigger and bigger guns to use against one another. The days of knife fights and fist fights are coming to an end.

12. Robert Downey Jr's zippy chemistry with Jude Law remains the reason these films work as well as they do.

13. Unlike the first movie, this movie's climax doesn't feel like a cheat. Good fun, especially the final scene.

14. Tough decision as to whether it's really worth paying a movie admission or waiting to make it a DVD rental.

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Knee-jerk review: "Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol"

1. Grade immediately after the lights came on in the theater: A+.

2. Grade on the drive home, thinking about the plot: B+.

3. It's that kind of movie. It moves so fast and with such relentless energy that you happily swallow all of the convoluted plot turns and glossed-over implausibilities. But there's a lot of "How come?" questions once you start analyzing it all.

4. As cool as this movie is, "Ghost Protocol" could not be more cheesy. It's like something an 8th grader thought up because it sounds cool.

5. Always good to see Tom Wilkinson.

6. We like to watch Tom Cruise run. He's got that look of sweaty panic that suggests if he doesn't get to where he's going as fast as he possibly can, sprinting rather than running, he'll be completely screwed and the world will not be saved. You buy it 100%.

7. The middle section of the movie that takes place in a monster Dubai high-rise (you've seen clips in all of the trailers and TV spots), is a crackerjack set piece. Best part of the movie and arguably among the best action-suspense scenes ever made. Some ingenious moments.

8. Too bad the climax in India never quite reaches those same heights, though the business with the steel suitcase is pretty exciting.

9. The director, Brad Bird, also directed Pixar's The Incredibles, which was packed full of intricately-choreographed action sequences where everything that can go wrong does go wrong and the heroes must endlessly improvise. Same kind of vibe at work in Ghost Protocol.

10. Paula Patton is undeniably hot, but the real surprise here is how deep a character she gets to play. She's grappling with the loss of a boyfriend, the question of whether vengeance will make her feel better, and professional self-doubt in a job where confidence is everything. She's not just the eye candy.

11. Spy movies got a bit boring once they became all about stealing passwords and passcodes.

12. The hallway hologram thing? Way cool.

13. Extra points for the Sawyer cameo.

14. It's not an action movie without someone falling to his/her death, is it?

15. Where does it rank among the Mission Impossible movies? Probably right at the top. The only thing we remember about the first one is the CIA white room bit and the offensive plot twist in which Jim Phelps turned out to be a traitor. The second one was John Woo gunfights and motorcycles and the sourpuss that is Thandie Newton. We liked the last one with snide villain Phillip Seymour Hoffman, the rabbit's foot (whatever that was), and Tom Cruise getting a love interest. But this one seems stronger. More epic, tighter and more complex plotting, more ingenious "Mission Impossible" gimmicks.

16. Way too many kick-ass moments to count. Cars flying, guns pointing, buildings exploding, martial-art moves moving, fireballs roiling. A real roller coaster.

17. Go see it, people. You'll really love it until the car ride home. And even then, you'll like it a lot.

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Best #1 songs of 2011

The following fourteen songs all placed in the number one spot on Billboard's singles chart during 2011. We figured it was worth a look to see which ones still stick in our heads and seem the most worthy and which ones we don't remember and seem like big mistakes.

1 "Party Rock Anthem" LMFAO - We thought this group was a Black Eyed Peas ripoff (two weird dudes, one hot girl) when we first saw them on some TV show. Then we heard the song. The zippy backbeat and tweaky synth melody got our vote for song of the year.

2 "Last Friday Night" Katy Perry - We heard about parties like this in high school but never attended one in person. Catchy and memorable. Great twist also in that the disastrous, black-out events of last Friday will soon be repeated this Friday. The stubborn, reckless stupidity of youth.

3 "We Found Love" Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris - No idea what the verses say, but that soaring chorus is nothing short of amazing. "We found love in a hopeless place." Evocative.

4 "Give Me Everything" Pitbull - Another of those techno hip-hop songs (with yet another LMFAO-style earworm synth hook) that we know we shouldn't like, but then can't help ourselves. Pitbull was everywhere this year - you couldn't turn on a music program without seeing him hamming it up.

5 "Firework" Katy Perry - A cheesy, transparent, overly earnest attempt to create an empowerment anthem. We know. But we still like it. For those very reasons.

6 "E.T." Katy Perry featuring Katy Perry - Gee, we really must like Katy Perry. So be it. This one isn't her usual peppy, polished pop music jewel. It's weird and dark and oddly robotic. "Infect me with your love and fill me with your poison." What do you suppose that means?

7 "Rolling in the Deep" Adele - Objectively, this should probably be the song of the year. Nothing else was as ubiquitous or beloved. But despite the hook and Adele's big-belted vocals, it's not exactly the kind of thing you can sing along to. And it was way overplayed. We heard it everywhere to the point of diminishing returns.

8 "Born This Way" Lady Gaga - There are better Gaga songs, but it's solid and hooky. Plus, we found this one unfairly attacked for sounding too Madonna. Strange, since Madonna hasn't sounded like Madonna since 1998.

9 "Grenade" Bruno Mars - The Bruno Mars phenomenon is a curious one. He's talented and silky smooth, sure, but we can't quite connect. Lil' Fry did love the "Lazy Song" video, however, with the dancers in monkey masks. So bonus points for that.

10 "Someone Like You" Adele - Powerful and poignant. But we ask you: would you really pay to see her sing this live on stage in concert? It's soooo slow... and soooo dreary.

11 "Moves Like Jagger" Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera - We're big fans of Maroon 5. How can you not love the whistling? But we have to take away points for invoking the image of a rock star 30 years past his prime.

12 "Hold It Against Me" Britney Spears - Wouldn't know it if we heard it. And proud to say so.

13 "Black and Yellow" Wiz Khalifa - All we know is that it was maybe inspired by the Pittsburgh Steelers.

14 "S&M" Rihanna featuring Britney Spears - Huh?

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Happy holidays circa 1960s

Nothing says Christmas like the rerunning of animated holiday specials first aired back in the 1960s and 70s. We've knee-jerked three of the most popular in past years:

"A Charlie Brown Christmas"

"Santa Claus is Comin' to Town"

"The Year Without Santa Claus"

And to all a good night!

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Observations from an NFL stadium

The Cheese Fry was in attendance at the Christmas Eve game at Cowboys Stadium in which the Cowboys again prove that they're just good enough to disappoint their fans time and again.

* If you think getting to the game two hours before kickoff is "early," about 10,000 other fans think so, too.

* People sometimes joke that their Sunday religion is the NFL. If so, then the steel and glass monstrosity that is Cowboys Stadium is surely their church. It is enormous.

* 16 ounces of beer is $8.50. We will admit, however, that it was ice cold.

* It's hard to not watch the infamous 60-yards-long HD screen as if you're still in your living room. You have force yourself to watch the action down on the actual field.

* You don't have to have a screw loose to go to a game in face paint, but it probably helps, don't you think? Especially for those who go shirtless and apply face paint to their pasty white pudgy torsos.

* The video packages displayed on the in-stadium screens are incredibly sophisticated and polished. And remarkably effective in stirring emotion. They play you like a cheap violin. You will laugh... here. You will get fired up... here.

* We're glad we brought binoculars. All the better to see Tony Romo huddle up with Steven McGee on the sideline to try and figure just what in the hell is wrong with the Dallas offense.

* We have new respect for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. The most we usually ever see of them involves mugging for the Fox Sports cameras as the games go to commercial, but at the stadium, they're working hard between quarters and during TV timeouts. The halftime routine was easily ten minutes of choreography.

* Nachos are $9. And it's the exact same kind of nachos you'd pay $4 for at your local cineplex.

* Not many things more miserable than watching your team flail and stumble while the opposing team racks up yards and touchdowns. Well, there is one thing more miserable: having the opposing team's fans cheer and holler. Who knew there were any actual Eagles fans outside of Pennsylvania?

* In person, NFL game day is like a one-day, PG-13-rated house party. Wall to wall people, loud music, crazy clothes, lots of food and alcohol. Plus Santa Claus.

* If there's a way to honor the military, the NFL will do so. Not passing judgment on the questionable pandering that hasn't ebbed since 2001, just making an observation.

* Some of the players in pre-game stretching exercises look like they could perform with Cirque de Soleil the way they contort and bend.

* Plastic bucket of slightly stale popcorn is $10. But you get to keep the souvenir bucket.

* There's always one or two jackasses who won't take off their hat for the national anthem. What is their malfunction?

* It's such a big operation that the stadium has something of an in-house TV show going on, with a host setting up videoclips, interviewing guests, and announcing promotions. All of it coming to you live from the concourse.

* Looking at all of the corporate signage, the mind reels in thinking how much Jerry Jones is paid for the privilege. Dr Pepper, AT&T, Miller Lite, Ford. The list goes on and on.

* Are we old or is the stadium audio turned up about two notches too loud?

* We hate not sitting on the aisle. There's no graceful way to shuffle down the row without getting intimate with the people you're passing.

* Bottle of water is $5. Bargain of the day.

* You surely can't find a more enjoyable way to drop $200 or so, spend an entire day standing in line in the cold, then sitting in a hard plastic seat, all to watch your team get dropped like a JV squad.

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Knee-jerk review: "The Muppets"

1. We were the only person in the theater not seeing it with a small child.

2. We were also the only person in the theater seeing it alone.

3. We probably looked creepy.

4. Sweet and charming. And for Generation Xers who remember watching "The Muppet Show" in syndication back in the late 1970s, also a bittersweet nostalgia trip.

5. Which connects nicely to one of the movie's unexpectedly dark themes: a worry that one's glory days can never be recaptured or bettered.

6. We'd follow Jason Segel anywhere. Dude's way underrated. A minor genius.

7. Watching a re-enactment of "The Muppet Show" opening number? Goosebumps.

8. In a way, all you really need to know about this movie is that the arch villain played by Oscar-winning actor Chris Cooper raps. If that idea amuses you in any way, this movie is for you.

9. We always liked Kermit, sure (though we still can't accept his new, non-Jim Henson voice) but mostly just tolerated Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear. Real fans know it's Animal and Beaker that deserve our full attention.

10. It's a Disney movie, so it stands to reason that the film's "Muppet Theater" is really the Disney-owned El Capitan theater on Hollywood Boulevard.

11. We sometimes wish we could travel by map.

12. Strong original songs here, some tender and poignant, others goofy and ridiculous. None will be noticed by the Oscars.

13. As much as we enjoyed it, we probably liked the Pixar "Toy Story" short that preceded it even better, especially the way it cleverly skewers something that so richly deserves skewering: the cheesy, cheap, one-gimmick plastic toys that come with fast food meals.

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He won the lottery and died the next day

Does Alanis Morissette's song "Ironic" provide actual examples of irony or just bad luck? We've heard this argument before many times, but it's still interesting to think about and the L.A. Weekly offers a fairly in-depth look at the lyrics.

Is this the worst song of the 1990s as Ben Westhoff suggests? That's a whole other question. We vote for "Macarena" and "All Star."

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Kung-fu Kirk

The nerds at io9 compiled a hilarious list of Captain Kirk's best fight moves. Seems like hand-to-hand combat will become a lost art in the 23rd century. We've always been a fan of the strange karate "hi-ya!" chop to the opponent's neck.

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Don't let the Dodger Stadium door hit you

Dodger fans rejoiced when news emerged last week that shamelessly stubborn slimeball Frank McCourt finally saw the writing on the wall (e.g. that Bud Selig would never, ever let him keep the team and, in fact, wished he could find a DeLorean to go back in time and prevent himself from ever allowing McCourt to come within 1000 feet of the team, much less buy it with what was essentially a maxed-out Visa credit card). McCourt, you see, agreed to sell the team.

Good things (if you don't count Game 6, also known as the Ninth Inning We Don't Talk About) happened to the Texas Rangers with new ownership. Maybe the Dodgers are in for some sunnier times as well.

Mike Scioscia's Tragic Illness catalogs the many crimes and misdeeds of Frank and his blowsy wannabe-Real Housewife of Beverly Hills wife Jamie. They came to Los Angeles wanting to be loved and respected power players, they leave hated and reviled and listed among the city's most infamous figures.

Nicely played, losers.

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Not-so-knee-jerk review: "Moneyball"

1. We saw it a few weeks ago. So it's not exactly fresh in our minds.

2. A fairly riveting look at the inner workings of a baseball team front office: scouting players, riding the ups and lows of a season grind, wheeling and dealing for trades on the phone, cutting players.

3. Make no mistake. Brad Pitt is a Movie Star. And he has his charisma cranked way up here. The perfect part for him.

4. Too bad the story didn't build to a stronger ending. No World Series run. Just a win streak. Sometimes the truth isn't as compelling as fiction.

5. It's a Columbia movie so all of the electronic gadgets have a very prominent Sony logo.

6. Loved the power-struggle between GM and manager. You won't start the players I want, then I'll trade your players away so you have to start my players. Ruthless.

7. Major League was a lot of fun and Field of Dreams certainly captures the romance and nostalgia of baseball, but Bull Durham remains the undisputed best baseball movie. We also have a soft spot for the underrated For Love of the Game and The Rookie.

8. No, we didn't read the book either.

9. We know someone who knows the player Brad Pitt cuts. A little detail the movie didn't mention: that player was cut just a few days shy of a contractual benchmark that would have granted him a full pension from Major League Baseball. He's now a high school teacher.

10. Always fun to watch stubborn old-timers get told off, isn't it? They just Don't Get It.

11. A guy with an ugly girlfriend has no confidence. Funny. And kind of true, if you think about it.

12. Worth seeing.

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Knee-jerk review: FX's "American Horror Story"

1. Well that was certainly disturbing.

2. Yeah yeah, it's been on the air a while now. We just watched the pilot. Thank you, DirecTV DVR.

3. If we didn't know the two showrunners also created the narrative-train-wreck that is "Glee," we would never have believed it.

4. Only in movies and TV shows do people have no problem buying a creepy house in which someone was killed. How often do you think that happens in the real world?

5. Connie Britton. So amazing. But we feel like she's cheating on Kyle Chandler when we see her with a new TV husband.

6. The credit sequence gave us goosebumps. And not in a good way. Few things more unsettling than old turn-of-the-century black-and-white photos where the people just sort of stare dead-eyed into the camera. We almost stopped watching.

7. Dylan McDermott's character is a complete jerk, but he's Dylan McDermott so you still kind of like him.

8. "You're going to die in there."

9. Pilots are supposed to clearly sketch out the main characters and provide a clear indication of future subplots and storylines. No lack of possibilities here. A brilliant, efficient introduction into a fairly complicated situation.

10. Genius: wife sees housekeeper as dowdy and wrinkled, husband sees housekeeper as young and sexy. Shades of The Shining.

11. The producers sure do like to take advantage of FX's willingness to let a certain s-word fly free. A little much, if you ask us.

12. Jessica Lange seems to be enjoying herself.

13. Great stuff. We may even like it better than our favorite other new show, "Person of Interest."

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Zombie all-stars

The Cheese Fry is a self-proclaimed zombie connoisseur. To us, there's something uniquely horrifying in a relentless, mindless attack by hordes of the undead. They can't be reasoned with or bargained with, not just because higher brain functions have shut down making it impossible to communicate, but because what drives zombies is the very primal need to feed... right... now. A zombie will keep going and going until it finds something to eat or until you kill it. Worse, for the heroes of zombie stories, it usually seems to come down to an issue of math: there's more of them than there are of you. Kill one and six more stagger in to take their place.

Here's our favorites.

28 Weeks Later (2007) - The first movie, 28 Days Later, starts strong (and we love the idea of fleet-footing running zombies, a scary update on the staggering and shuffling Romero-style zombies) but we never liked the last third of the movie when the action shifts to the military compound. The scope and scale of the sequel, however, as well as its depiction of how the government and military might respond to a genuine zombie crisis, make for a far more compelling story. And yes, we know the monsters are technically not dead, just infected with the rage virus. Let's not quibble.

Dawn of the Dead remake (2004) - We suspect this is the movie that kick-started the recent zombie renaissance. The opening sequence is an instant classic, a sucker punch of bloody horror and shocking chaos invading a placid suburban neighborhood. Dynamite horror action that explores that classic zombie movie trope: strangers stuck together in an isolated location (here, an empty shopping mall) trying hard to survive and plot a successful getaway. Bonus points for a surprisingly downbeat twist ending.

"Dead Island" teaser (2011) - We're not big videogamers, so we can't speak to the quality of the title it's selling. But there's no question the three-minute teaser (see below) is a haunting, stylistically ingenious account of one family's bloody demise. If you hunt around on YouTube, you'll find some versions that fans have recut to make the action unspool linearly. For us, though, it's the unsettling non-linear mosaic that's more effective. It's better than a lot of full-length features.

Night of the Living Dead (1968) - "They're coming to get you, Barbara!" The one that started it all. The cheap, grainy, zero-budget rawness only adds to the unsettling claustrophobic horror as strangers gather in a farmhouse (there's that set-up again) to hide from a sudden zombie scourge. Lean, mean, and unashamedly nasty. It's best to watch it on a late-night cable station while you're huddled up in bed under the covers.

Resident Evil (2002) - Probably the guilty pleasure of the list. It's undeniably shlocky, what with the heavy metal guitars and derivative slow-motion fight scenes. But shlock can be fun. There is something appealing about the propulsive action-thriller plot, the convoluted Umbrella Corporation conspiracy-theory backstory, the creepy Red Queen computer voice, and a nice amnesia-sufferers-remembering-the-truths act-two twist. And who wouldn't respond favorably to Milla Jovovick spending the entire movie in a little red dress?

AMC's "The Walking Dead" (2010-) - How could a cable channel turn everything we love about zombie apocalypse stories into a serialized show? It just didn't seem possible. But "The Walking Dead" is managing it quite well and drawing a pretty big audience. (On our to-do list: read the graphic novels on which the show is based.) You get all of the usual elements here: perfect strangers banding together to fight for survival, a collapsed social infrastructure, moral questions about hard choices the living sometimes must make to save themselves, and lots of running from shuffle-step zombies. The show is never afraid to go to some very dark places, whether it's putting children in jeopardy or suggesting some of the living may be just as inhuman as the undead.

World War Z by Max Brooks (2006) - "Genius" is how we describe it. A kind of literary mockumentary, fiction pretending to be oral-history non-fiction. It's told from the point of view of some distant future after a global zombie war was won. Rather than a single conventional narrative, "World War Z" is divided up into a number of personal accounts of the zombie war, whether it's a personal story of some ordinary citizen or a look at the choices of higher-ranking officials who propose some fairly radical counter-attacks. Coming soon to a theater near you, of course.

Zombieland (2009) - Give us a thumbs down for still having not yet seen Shaun of the Dead. We think if we had, it would have made this list. Instead, we're nominating Zombieland in the category of black-comedy zombie movie. Unlike a lot of people, we're not too keen on the Bill Murray cameo. But the stylish visual flourishes, the deadpan humor, the sprinkle of romantic comedy elements, and a hilariously intense performance by Woody Harrelson (who so desperately wants a Twinkie) make this a stand-out.

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Robert Stack's voice still haunts us

We suspect that if you ask any Generation Xer about the things that most scared and scarred their childhood, NBC's "Unsolved Mysteries" would crack the top ten. We certainly had trouble watching the show when our parents were gone. And Mrs. Cheese Fy just had a unmistakably panicky emotional reaction when she noticed us composing this post and looking for the clip below on YouTube: "Where are you doing? No way."

It's not just the eerie, relentless, synthesizer-heavy theme song that's been seared into our memory. And it's not just the terrifying stories of people who just, like, disappeared into thin air or met a gruesome death (we still remember the story of a guy who vanished and whose car later turned up abandoned with the doors open and the keys in the ignition at an interstate rest stop - the authorities could only speculate who left it there and why and where the owner went) - people just like you and your parents. No one is safe. It was also host Robert Stack's gravel-voiced, poker-faced narration that remained flat and dispassionate no matter how horrible the stories became. This was TV's Eilot Ness, after all, telling us that the cops couldn't do it alone and needed your help. How scary is that?

Happy Halloween. And sweet dreams.

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More songs we never get tired of

Last year, we listed 20 songs on which we'd never change the station. Here's a new batch:

1 Stone Temple Pilots, "Creep"

2 Jimmy Buffett, "Margaritaville"

3 Len, "Steal My Sunshine"

4 Hole, "Malibu"

5 Jane Child, "Don't Want to Fall in Love"

6 Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys, "Empire State of Mind"

7 Third Eye Blind, "Jumper"

8 Foo Fighters, "Everlong"

9 Chicago, "25 or 6 to 4"

10 Crowded House, "Don't Dream It's Over"

11 Estelle featuring Kayne West, "American Boy"

12 Paramore, "That's What You Get"

13 Eddie Rabbit, "Driving My Life Away"

14 The Breeders, "Cannonball"

15 Tears for Fears, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

16 Pink, "Perfect"

17 Don Henley, "The End of Innocence"

18 Jade, "Don't Walk Away"

19 Foghat, "Slow Ride"

20 B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams, "Airplanes"

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